Come Inside

VI

"SO may balak na nang ituloy ang pagpapakasal mo kay Kael?"

   Elaine looked down as she entwined her fingers together. Last night, when she got home from Jacob's unit, she thought maybe she could consider marrying Kael since she didn't have any plans in her mind not to. Maybe it was just her body who disagrees because, honestly, her body just craved for Jacob's touch and it's relentless. She doubt if something or someone could stop her from wanting him. When Jacob released her, she instantly told him to back off which surprisingly obliged by him. He really stepped back ang let her wear her panties and jeans. He even let her go without saying anything. Deep inside her, she wanted him to stop her, to put her arms around her waist to restrain her from leaving, to tug her arms and wrap her in his arms with her head resting on his chest, hearing his heartbeats. But no, he never did any of those. He just watched her walk away which broke her heart once more.

   Elaine played with her own fingers as she thought of answers. Yes. No. Maybe. She really didn't know what to answer. She wanted Kael, but he's a friend of her though he's also pressuring her. He wanted to marry her. He'd said that he loves her. She didn't want to break the guy's heart. There was no other options. She was left with marrying Kael for goddamn business, for wealth, for assurance, not for love.

   "Maybe," Elaine anwered honestly, her voice so low only her can hear it clearly. Or maybe not, she just knew what she said.

   "You might? It's not a bad thing to marry him but I'm thinking about your happiness. Will you be happy with him?"

   "We'll see if we get there. Kael's not bad."

   "I know. We've been friends with Kael for God knows how long. Pero hindi naman siya ang mahal mo. At the end of the day, you'll be both hurt."

   "Maybe I could fall in love with him."

   "Maybe, if you could, you'd be fallen in love with him by now. For five years, lagi mong kasama si Kael."

   Elaine grunted. She knew she had no chance of winning against Camille's bluntness. Camille always hit the mark, which she loved and hated at the same time. Camille had grin plastered on her face because she knew she won their mini debate. Elaine frowned in thought that she'll runaway — that was the only option. But running away won't be the answer. Where will she get the money she needs? Where will she get a job if shw doesn't want others to know her? She can't just fake a name and personality.

   Or maybe she could just go abroad.

   With a resigned sigh, she let her body fall back in to the couch. They were in Camille's house wherein only she, Camille, and some nannys are there. There were two glasses of pinapple juice on the coffee table, a plate with two sandwiches sliced in half. The television was on and it was on HBO but they never bothered watching, it was for noise addition because they were silent most of their time together. Elaine had her own secrets she couldn't tell to Camille so was Camille to her. They were friends but only a few secrets they're willing to share.

   "I know you, Elaine. Alam kong ayaw mo talagang pakasalan si Kael. Napipilitan ka lang dahil wala kang magawa at hindi mo kayang kausapin si Jacob tungkol sa gusto mo—"

   "Hindi gano'n 'yon."

   Camille acted like she never said anything. Elaine just rolled her eyes, listening to her friend, "kasi natatakot ka na baka gawin din niya sa 'yo ang ginawa mo sa kanya noon. I already told you, revenge is not a man's thing to do. You think after he gave you an earth-shattering orgasm using his tongue he's gay? Oh, no, Elaine. He isn't. And he already moved on from the past. Dahil kung hindi, galit pa 'yan hanggang ngayon sa 'yo, hindi ka pinapansin, at hindi ka sinasabihan na nalilibugan siya sa 'yo."