Come Inside

XVIII

IT WASN'T NEW TO ELAINE FOR VICTORIA TO STAY SILENT.  Siya kasi ang sumundo sa bata sa eskuwelahan nito. Nginitian lamang siya ng bata nang makita siyang nag-aabang sa waiting area sa tabi ng main gate ng school.

   Elaine didn't want to talk, too. Baka hindi siya pansinin ng bata dahil baguhan lamang ang kanyang mukha para rito gayong ilang araw na silang nakatira sa iisang bubong.

   She wanted to try to talk to Victoria but she felt acid down her throat as if it was preventing her to talk. She wanted to get close to her but it felt like there were walls she needed to break first.

   By the time they got into the car, Victoria spoke. "Friends po ba kayo ni dada? Shabi niya po sa' kin, friends po kayo. Tsaka po Tita Elaine daw po itawag ko sha inyo." Victoria smiled, revealing her incomplete set of teeth. Bungi ito sa harapan.

   Elaine suddenly felt a pang on her chest. Sabagay, wala pa nga pala ulit silang label ni Jacob. Kaya siguro 'friends' lang. Eh, what about their sex? Friends with benefits lang sila? Is she categorized with Raicca na fubu lang? Aanakan na lang din ni Jacob?

   "Shabi rin po niya special friend ka po niya."

   And then she realized, Victoria's still a child. She won't understand everything right now but Jacob wanted precautions. Nag-iingat si Jacob dahil alam ni Victoria kung sino ang nanay nito. Alam ni Victoria kung sino ang nagluwal sa kanya. Alam ni Victoria kung sino ang asawa ni Jacob.

   Elaine spent time staring at the giant frame of Jacob's and Raicca's wedding. Naitanong na rin ni Elaine kay Jacob kung bakit hindi pa rin iyon tinatanggal pero ngiti lamang ang sagot nito sa kanya at bahagyang umiling. Kada segundong tingin niya roon ay parang sandaang punyal na sumasaksak sa kanyang puso. Hindi niya gustong tingnan iyon pero ang mata niya ang kusang tumititig ito. Lalo na sa ngiti ni Raicca na napaka-inosente pa rin gayong may ginawa itong kasalanan. Gusto niyang sirain ang picture pero ang ngiti ni Jacob ang pumipigil sa kanya dahil napakamaaliwalas ng ngiti nito. Ang mga mata nito'y tila nawala sa lawak ng pagkakangisi. Hawak nila parehas ang sanggol na si Victoria na mayroong flower crown sa ulo.

   "Tita Elaine, gaano katagal niyo po kilala si dada?"

   Nilingon ni Elaine si Victoria at namataan niyang nakangiti ito sa kanya. Her heart constricted at the sight of her smile. Kamukhang-kamukha talaga ni Raicca si Victoria.

   "College pa lang kami, magkakilala na kami ng daddy mo." Kahit nahihirapan si Elaine, nagawa pa rin niyang ngitian ang batang walang kamuwang-muwang sa nangyayari sa mundo.

   "Kilala ninyo rin po ba mama ko po?"

   Napadiin ang paghawak niya sa manibela nang tanunin iyon ni Victoria. She wanted her to shut up. She wanted to scream. Pero bata lang ang kasama niya. She wanted Victoria to like her, not to be afraid of her. Ayaw niya ring ayawan siya ng bata. So she had to do what pleases Jacob's daughter.

   Elaine calmed down after a few seconds, answering the child's question truthfully. She said yes. She said that they belonged to one circle of friends when she really met Jacob. She said Jacob introduced Raicca to her as his best friend. But she never said the relationship she had with Jacob.

   "Mabait po ba mommy ko po?"

   She almost heaved an audible sigh.

   "Your mother was one of the nicest person I know. Sobra. Sobrang bait niya."

   Elaine felt a throb in her chest, like there was something squeezing her heart, blocking her airway, making her feel like there was a lump in her throat. She really can't talk about Raicca. Kaibigan na rin kasi ang turing niya rito simula noong naging sila ni Jacob. Elaine treated her better, like a sister. Pero may nagawa pa rin ito.