Come Inside

III

"CAMILLE, hindi ko alam ang gagawin ko," ani Elaine at pumikit ng madiin, pilit iwinawaksi sa kanyang isipan ang mga sinabi sa kanya ni Jacob. No, she felt Jacob doesn't want her. She saw it through his eyes.

She watched Camille gulped, drinking the Coke she has in her hand. Ibinida niya kasi ang mga nangyari - minus the part where her body accidentally shown to Jacob and what happened after that. She felt embarrassed when she thought she'll tell Camille everything because she knew Camille would just ask her why it didn't continue to sex. Camille looked at her as if she's the most stupid creature ever existed.

"If you want him, take him. Mahal mo pa siya, 'di ba? Take this as a chance to renew, to start something new. You two grew up. Magkakaintindihan naman siguro kayo ni Jacob," anito at muling uminom ng Coke.

Camille was her friend since elementary. They were seatmates and their friendship began in pigtails war, naghilahaan kasi sila ng buhok na naka-pigtails noon. Napapangiti na lamang siya kapag naaalala niya iyon. Ngunit iba ngayon, she's in a situation she never imagined she'll be in. When she left Jacob, she thought she'll never see him again. But she did. And it was difficult for her because the man she left five years ago told her he still wants her which she doubted if it's true.

"He still wants you, pero pakipot ka lang," she said, taking a large bite of pizza. Elaine kept silent.

What Camille said was true, nagpapakipot lang siya kahit na ang totoo ay gustong-gusto pa rin niya si Jacob. At natatakot siya sa maaaring mangyari sa kanilang dalawa ni Jacob. They don't belong together.

"Alam mo, Elaine, hindi naman sa pangingialam sa inyo dati, pero bakit hindi natuloy ang pagtatanan niyo noon? I, myself, am a witness of your love. Matagal na akong pinapatay ng tanong na ito eh, bakit? Paano?"

Napalunok si Elaine dahil hindi niya kayang sagutin ang tanong ni Camille. She's such a fool for leaving Jacob behind. She chose her family over the one she loves, which was right, right? She had enough of the past. She had to move on.

Elaine opened her mouth to say something but she couldn't find her voice. It seemed that her voice was swallowed with her own saliva. Whatever her reason is, it's all in the past. She can never change it. With her open mouth, she just released a deep breath. Camille continued to eye her with curiosity but it vanished when she realized Elaine won't talk.

"Okay, I get it. Hindi mo kayang sabihin ang katangahan mo dati," anito.

"Hindi naman sa gano'n, Camille. Pero-"

"Bahala ka, basta ang masasabi ko lang sa 'yo, kung may pagkakataon ka, don't think twice to grab it." She smiled at her, then drank the remaining Coke she had in her glass. "Pero desisyon mo naman 'yan eh. Nasa 'yo kung gusto mo pa siyang papasukin sa buhay mo o diyan sa - sorry sa word - puke mo. Dahil isipin mo, he said he wants you, dalawang bagay lang 'yan. It's either he wants you for sex, or he wants to be with you again. Pero puwede ring he wants you to feel the same pain when you left him pero impusible 'yon. Revenge is not a man's thing to do."

Elaine silenced, walang maisip na sasabihin. Blocked with the thought Jacob wants revenge. But Camille's right. Revenge is not a man's thing to do but can she risk the possibility? Hindi, ngayong hindi na niya kilala si Jacob. Ramdam niya na nagbago si Jacob, 'yong paraan ng pananalita niya ay mas naging matigas at maawtoridad, 'yong pagtitig nito sa kanya ay parang mas naging madilim, parang mayroong galit, pagkasabik, at may itinatago.

Elaine cocked her head to the side, dismissing the image of Jacobs's piercing eyes in her mind. Imagining him is such a crazy thing to do. But wasn't she crazy already? His words playing on repeat inside her head. The authority in his voice making her shudder. The warmth of his touch passing heat from his to hers making her feel hot, making her moist between her legs. She can't deny she'd craved for his touch.