Love from Mars Vol.1

Daddy issues

I got issues... I know.
But who doesn't, right?
Growing up, my dad was constantly absent in my life, so I really didn't get used to the idea of a male role model.
In fact I praised my mother. We both went through a lot together because of my father.
He missed birthdays, he missed anniversaries, he missed Christmases because he wasn't around that much.
There was a point in my childhood where he tried to buy my love. He would buy me anything and everything. He also bought me so much junk food.. Look where that got me.
Well my mom wouldn't take it because she didn't want me to be spoiled so she was hard on me. Very hard. She still is.
I had to mature too young, I had to be strong for my siblings because they had the chance to be spoiled and naïve unlike me.
My mom basically raised me on her own. She raised me the way her mother raised her.
No one knows this but because of the way my mother was raised, which is the way she raised me, I'm basically a housewife without a husband.
To sum up, I got daddy issues.
I didn't have the chance to bond with my father. He never tried to make time for me. He was always overseas. He bought me so many dolls. DOLLS. He didn't know that I hated dolls. I stopped playing with them at a very young age because they reminded me of the childhood I lost... Because of HIM.
Daddy issues.
Only now that he is retired and I have about 2 years until I'm off to college, he is trying to bond. I go with his flow because he's my dad and I need some sort of relationship with him but... He makes it hard.
He's always criticizing me, I'm never good enough for him, everyone is always better than me. I'm always the laziest, the slowest, the stupidest, the untalented.
He never told me he's proud of me or that I did good for a change. It's never good enough for him, I'm never good enough.
Daddy issues.
To him my friends are examples of what I should be. If he only knew.
To him all I do is ask, but that seems to be fine when it's one of my siblings. Funny isn't it.
All ask is for his attention and compassion but he doesn't seem to care.
Daddy issues.
I've run out of words and inspiration to describe my sorrows for my relationship with my dad. So I'll go now.
Love from Mars.