Love from Mars Vol.1

the suicide note

i'm sorry
i am so sorry, but i couldn't do it
i wasn't strong enough
i was living for my siblings and nothing more
i thought that if i made it, then they wouldn't have to live in these conditions
i would save them
but how do you do that when couldn't even save yourself?
how could i continue to be at war with myself? with the demons within me?
it was impossible
have you ever tried faking it for the sake of others? for the sake of appearance? for the sake of not getting asked anymore questions?
well that was my life, and it sucked
sure, there were good moments that made great memories but overall, darkness prevailed
so for this i am sorry mom and dad
i am sorry for killing your daughter
but i have an excuse for it:
it wasn't her
at least not anymore
you see, she looked like her on the outside but take a look inside and you would find somebody else
someone who was suffering alone, someone who was grieving, with so many unhealed wounds, fighting a battle within herself, a battle she had hoped to win but never did
so for this i am sorry my little siblings
for taking away your big sister
she was being strong for you, and enduring all the pain so you would feel none
and i took that away, i exposed you
please forgive me
but you have to understand this was a mutual agreement between the girl you all thought you knew and the one you didn't know
they both had enough
this isn't a cry for help, because we've both done enough crying and never got any help
this isn't a call for attention, because even dead we can feel the anxiety creeping up
this is simply a goodbye
one last goodbye, thanking all the good people we have come across and damning all the people that took us to our breaking point to hell
no, we won't say what made us do it because there had to be more than five reasons
we just wanted to let you know how we lived our lives
so as one would do, we are giving a reason to it, we don't want to make you feel like we don't care about you so,
this is our suicide note.

Love from Mars.