What May Seem

12/12/21 Genesis

It's taken me a lot to come back to this journal. I have pored over its pages for hours. Reading her words plays her voice in my head. I remember the first time I woke up to this world. Anya was the first person I saw. I was just a baby then but it felt as if I had already been around for a very long time. She could see that. I could just tell by her eyes and the way she looked at me with this sense of understanding.

She taught me everything that I know. How to read, to write, to speak. And how my powers worked. She had told me that my powers were the most important thing for me to master of all. That if she could not succeed in teaching me how to use them, then she would have failed the entire world.

Then they captured me. I could tell when I saw her again that they had done something to her. She was still the same woman, but she did not recognize me. And she looked at me differently now. With fear. That enraged me that The Company did that to her. This amazing, knowing being no longer looked at me with the tenderness that she used to. Instead she would avert her gaze after horror flashed across her face.

I kept trying so hard to bring her memories back. Each time I failed I felt the pain of that failure down to my core. Night after night, she would come in looking exhausted because of the nightmare I gave her. The Company did a good job of brainwashing her.

She started working with me alone. I was so afraid to talk to her. I did not want to lose her now that I had her back. Slowly I gained her trust back. But I still could not bring her memories back. I question now whether I was really trying or not. After all, I was the one that killed the man that she loved. I did not do it on purpose. But would that make any difference? And what if....What if I did?

The other one started to work with her. I did not like that but her working with him made her happy. She craved contact beyond me. Who could blame her? I am a monster. She is an angel. Heaven and hell were never known to mix with good results.

Working with the other one was bringing her closer to gaining her memories back. But he was getting too close. I saw the way he would look at her. The way that they sat together, head to head. Killing him was an accident, but I will not feel sorry for it happening, save that Anya had to see it. That moment gave me the burst of power that I needed to return Anya's memories. That was the night that she came back to me. And that she became mine alone.

Seeing her fight to take down The Company was amazing. There was fire in her eyes as she prepared. She wore vengeance in the most appealing way and it caused me to want to do all I could so that she could have what she desired. While I did not fail her in that respect, I failed her all the same.

There are a million things I should have done to stop Chief from harming her. All I did was watch her though. I did not stay focused as I should have. I'm glad he is gone now. He took my Anya from me and now he and his legacy are dead. Everyone largely involved with the company died that night and those that did not will simply fade away. Even the most powerful machines cannot function without their motor.

But now I am lost. Anya is dead. The woman I loved is gone from me forever and I do not know how to carry on. I was made for one purpose and that was to destroy. Anya never told me anything different. But the way she made me feel helped me to understand that I could do so much more. She showed me things that I could do. Working with her and watching her taught me about myself and my powers. Who knew that a monster could love?

Love. I loved her. Yes, it is true. In her final moments, as her feelings flashed through me, I saw that she felt the same that night. If only briefly, Anya felt the same as me. And she saw me differently too. Before her death, Anya saw me as human. I cannot say if I projected this idea onto her without knowing, or if she started fantasizing it herself. But for her to see me as human proves to me that her love was true.

So now I am faced with a decision. What do I do? Where do I go? There is no place in the normal world for a creature like me. I am grotesque in image and cannot interact with humans. I know that I don't want to end myself though. So I have decided. I will bring justice to this world.

I will tear down the walls of society where they have been built to high. Built up by the rich and corrupt. By those who will do anything for power and wealth, even if it means to create the likes of me. They do not know what they toy with and I will show them the exact error of their ways.

I will be something that Anya would have been proud to have created. It is all I can do to prove my love.

AN:Well, that's a wrap! I actually finished something for once haha! If you like the story please vote! Also, I have really terrible covers for this story and my Batman fanfiction so if anybody knows a good cover artist hook me up! By the way I have a poetry book called Mindsong, so if you like poetry you should check that out. And I'm getting ready to start working on a few new books if anyones interested! I'll try to keep my profile updated on news about it! Thanks for checking out my story and stay beautiful guys!