As Much as You {completed}

Ezra: 32.

                As they pulled away, Ezra was surprised to see Carmen sitting in front of him. All whilst his lips had been pressed against hers, he’d been imagining Emma. All he could think about was Emma. “I’m not in love with you.” Ezra murmured.

                Carmen tucked her hair behind her ear. “You’re in love, Ezra. But you’re in love with Emma. You told her the truth, you’re told her everything, you opened up to someone.”

                “Is this what it was like when I was in love with you? Did we fight? Did I open up to you; did I tell you my secrets?”

                Carmen swallowed and fiddled with her fingers. “Of course you did, not only did you love me but you were my best friend. You were everything I had. But each person that you love, you’ll love in a different way. You and Emma aren’t you and I, just like Kevin and I aren’t you and me. We love everyone differently. But when we know we’re in love, it’s not hard to choose. You love Emma; you could have a good, uncomplicated life with her.”

                “I’m sorry you came all this way to go home exactly the same.”

                “But I won’t.”

                “You will. I haven’t remembered. I don’t love you like I used to. I haven’t changed since the accident.”

                 “I saw you smile. I saw you converse with me. I saw you fall in love with your son. You keep changing my life upside down, and even now, I’m glad I’ve come. I know where I am now. I know what life to leave behind and what one to carry on. I’m not exactly the same as I was before. I am perfectly happy, and nothing is as it used to be. You’re my friend, Kevin is my husband and it’s clear who I’m meant to spend my life with. We can never relive our past, and I could never save you from that accident. But you were my friend before, that’s how it used to be. A long time ago. And I couldn’t ask for anything else. I couldn’t get you to remember, but somehow, the old Ezra is still in there, and you’re just like him in a lot of ways.”

                “Although I’ve changed a lot.”

                “Everyone does.” Carmen replied quickly.

                “Thank you for never giving in.”

                “It wasn’t easy. I nearly ruined my life – the one I have, not the one I had – because I was trying to hold on to what we had.”

                “I know. But I would still be hurting, I’d still be selfish, I’d still hate everyone and not appreciate anything. I do now.”

                “So do I.” Carmen touched Ezra’s hand. “When we were younger, we promised that no matter what, we’d be best friends forever. I know it sounds cheesy now that we’re older and in different places, but I’m willing to stay friends. I’m willing to for the sake of Harrison and for us. There’s nothing stopping us from being friends.”

                “I’d like that.”

                “You should ask Emma out, officially. That would be my next bit of advice. The rest is up to you. Don’t let this pass you by, Ezra.”

                “You know, maybe the accident wasn’t so bad after all.”

                “Why’s that?”

                “I’ve realised I’m a dad, I’m in love and I’ve connected to you. My whole life – since, you know, then – seemed to be about you. My family would talk about you; my family loved you and went to see you. You were in my life, yet at the same time, you weren’t in it at all. Everything seemed to have worked out, one way or another, to make everyone happy.” 

                “Yeah,” Carmen rested her head on Ezra shoulders and moved her hand to her stomach. “Yeah, it did.”

                When Carmen walked back up to the house at eight o’clock, Kevin was outside with all the bags packed and Harrison was playing by the pond. Ezra walked behind Carmen up the gravel and grinned as Harrison looked up, his eyes lighting in excitement.

                “Have you packed everything?” Carmen called up to her husband. “Did you get everything I’d left?”  

                “I’ve done it.” Kevin nodded. “We’ve got everything, haven’t we, Harrison?”  

                “We do!” Harrison stood up and ran towards Carmen. “Mommy, it’s all packed. We’re going home!”

                Carmen gathered her son in her arms. “We are indeed, honey.” She then turned to see Ezra smiling passionately at his biological son. Somehow, although everything was still complicated, Carmen was amazed at how perfect everything seemed to be. This whole moment was perfect. She had her son, in her arms; she was pregnant with her husband’s child; Kevin had never given up on her or stopped loving her and Ezra had, somehow, become a new man; one that Carmen could love, whilst knowing that she wasn’t in love with. He was a new man; he was someone different about to start a life with who he was in love with. Carmen could accept that. Carmen was happy with that.

                Carmen placed Harrison on the floor. “Go say goodbye to uncle Ezra.” Harrison nodded and walked towards Ezra, his unruly curls bouncing in his face.

                Ezra caught the boy as he was about to fall. He put his hands on Harrison’s shoulders and looked his dead set in the eyes. “You’re my paradise, kid. Look after yourself.”  

                “We’ll be back,” Harrison replied happily, “or you’ll come up to us. I’ll see you again soon. I’m just going home.”

                “Yeah,” Ezra replied softly, looking up at Kevin with his arm around Carmen, kissing her lightly on the head, “we all know our home.” After all, home is where the heart is and everyone knew where there heart was. Carmen couldn’t save the Ezra she knew, but she learnt to understand the one she knew. She finally learnt to let go. She accepted that she couldn’t change what happened, and suddenly realised that she didn’t want to. This, for her, was perfect.