As Much as You {completed}

Ezra: 10.

                “Ezra, are you feeling better?”

                The curly haired boy looked up at Doctor Hart, a man who in the space of thirty hours had become accustom to. A stranger, basically, but someone who he knew better than his friends, some family members, teachers, neighbours… someone he knew much better than Carmen. Doctor Hart was early twenties, had no wife, no children and was committed to his job from the beginning, so didn’t have enough time to find love. Which wasn’t much of a shame, because to Ezra, he presumed he’d never be in love anyway. 

                “Am I supposed to feel better right now?” he snapped, breathing out a deep sigh of irritation. “I mean, apparently eight years of my life has just disappeared.”

                Doctor Hart swallowed, taking his glasses of to rub his eyes, ignoring the boy’s harsh tone and question. “I have someone here to see you.”

                Ezra wondered who that could be. A friend, maybe? What was his friends’ name? Maybe it was James from primary school. They’d still be friends, wouldn’t they? Weren’t they friends before the accident?

                “Who?”

                Doctor Hart pointed to a young boy with straight blonde hair who was standing by the door. “Vincent, do you want to come in now?”

                “Okay.” The boy replied in a small voice from behind the slightly open door before he pushed it open, his ash blonde hair being the thing that Ezra’s attention now  had turned too. 

                “Who are you?” Ezra asked when Vincent had come far enough into the room. He turned to Doctor Hart. “Who is this?”

                Doctor Hart swiftly moved around to the back of Vincent, after seeing his bottom lip quiver. He placed both of his sturdy hands on Vincent’s shoulders. “Ezra, this is Vincent.”

                “Vincent who?”

                “I don’t except you to understand, or to remember, but Vincent’s only six years old. He was born, here, in London. Vincent is your brother.”

                Ezra’s brow furrowed and he narrowed his eyes at his brother, studying his ash blonde hair, his skinny legs, and his grey eyes. He wasn’t shocked to find out the little boy was his brother, no, he wasn’t convinced. “He’s not my brother.”

                “Ezra…”

                “I haven’t seen him around. I’ve been here ages, I’ve never seen him. He looks nothing like me!” Ezra accused. “How do you expect me to believe he’s my brother!”

                 “Losing your memory is a delicate thing, Ezra. Vincent needed to get back to a regular routine, staying at home and going to school, he’s only six. Your parents are treading carefully, here. It’s not easy, they don’t know what to talk about with you, and they’re getting there.”

                “So they decided to tell me why we moved to London, but not that I had a brother?”

                “Vincent wanted to tell you himself, didn’t you, Vincent?”

                Ezra’s attention snapped back down to the young boy, who had water forming in his eyes. But Ezra didn’t feel any remorse. He was the one that should be upset; he was the one that had lost his memory. This kid was just… a kid, to him. Don’t kids always cry for no particular reason? He’d get over it.

                “We don’t know what exactly is going to trigger your memory, but we were hoping that your brother would be able to help you.”

                “My brother’s name is Adam. He’s been here every day.”

                “So has Carmen!” Vincent whined. “And you don’t remember her either. How come you can remember Adam and not me, it’s not fair!”

                “Life’s not fair!” Ezra snapped, not wanting to hear Carmen’s name. He’d been hearing her name a lot more than he wished. It was like that feeling of irritation people got when their friend got in a new relationship and did nothing but bang on about them. Her name was starting to bore Ezra. “Get over it.”

                “Ezra, please don’t talk to your brother like that.”

                “I can talk to who I want, how I want.”

                Doctor Hart sighed heavily. “I advise you to calm down. Vincent, come on son, your parents are outside.”

                “Mom and dad are outside?”

                Doctor Hart turned to his patient and smiled, but didn’t say anything. Ezra recognised that Vincent and himself shared the same parents, that meant that he was half way to accepting that they were brothers, and purely didn’t want to know about it because he was being stubborn and wallowing in self-pity. This, Doctor Hart had seen before.

                “They came to pick up your brother. They didn’t want to come in because they wanted to give you some space.”

                “Can you stop calling him my brother, please? It’s irritating.”

                “We can only hope that the more we say it, the more it will trigger your memory. I’m sorry, Ezra, but losing your memory, having that car accident, is bad luck. But you shouldn’t push the people away who matter to you most. You may not remember who they are, but they’re all being patient with you. You’ll understand things clear as time goes on.”

                “I don’t want time to go on. I want to remember what I’ve forgotten.” 

                “Maybe Vincent can help you with that.”

                “The best thing that that boy can do for me is get out of my room.”

                “You know,” Vincent cried, “you used to be nice. Now you’re just… just… now you’re a big meany!”

                “Get out of my room!”

                “I think that’s quite enough for one day.” Doctor Hart interjected. “Come on, Vince. Let’s leave Ezra alone until a later date. Let’s find your parents.”

                “I don’t want them!” the boy suddenly wailed, “I want Carmen. Get me Carmen.”

                “Okay,” Doctor Hart murmured quietly, turning the boy around and gently guiding him towards the door. “Let’s go.”

                Ezra watched the boy leave, crossed his arms – even though it caused him a great deal of pain – and grunted as the door closed behind him. Why was life unfair to him? Had he done something to deserve this? To have his memory taken from him? Wouldn’t it just have been easier for him if all of his memory had gone, instead of part of it, wouldn’t that have been easier? At least then he would have escaped the past. He couldn’t run from it, because he knew some of it. Goodness, this was very frustrating for him.

                Then he was left alone.

                Which didn’t matter because he felt alone anyway.

                He tried to remember, tried to force his mind to remember the little boy that had just left the room in floods of tears or the young man who’d visited him the other day… what was his name? Oliver? Oscar? Yeah, that was it. Oscar. Ezra tried to remember who he was. He tried to remember who Carmen was. Everyone went on about her as if she was family, as if they loved her as much as they loved him. Could that be possible? Was she really that close? 

                Doctor Hart interrupted his thoughts when he entered the room again, picking up the clip board from the edge of his bed, inspecting Ezra’s progress. Or lack of it, in the memory department. After that, as Ezra stared coldly at him, he left without saying a word. 

                Ezra knew he was being bitter with everyone, but he found it unfair, being stuck here whilst everyone else was out and about. Remembering things.

                Still, there was something about Doctor Hart that Ezra didn’t like, even when he first woke up. His stomach twisted whenever the doctor was in the room and he felt the same emotions as a jealous person would, why though, he had no idea.

                Then Guilia walked through the door, before Ezra could even lay his head back down on the pillow and he grabbed the controller by his bed, making it move upwards so he was sat up. He’d tried to push his body up a few times, but that had never worked. It always hurt too much.

                But then, Ezra would rather trade that kind of pain for a different kind of pain.

                He’s rather feel hurt when someone comes to see him and he has no idea who they are, than be hurt, physically. Instead, it was like his heart was hollow.

                He didn’t even feel anything, now, when he looked up at his mother, crying. He didn’t feel anything for her. Just numb, with painkillers, confusion, and anger.

                But he still let her come right up to his bed, hold his hand, and brush his unruly curls out of his face. 

                She was still his mother. 

                And he still remembered her, may be not recently, but he did.   

                That was the important thing.

                Even if he hated everyone right now, because they could remember things, and he couldn’t, even if he was feeling envious of them, he loved his mother. She had raised him. In Cornwall and here in London. He may not have remembered it, but it was the truth.

                “Mom,” Ezra snapped. “Don’t you have a job to do?”

                Guilia backed away. “Ezra…”

                She looked older, tired, obviously different. Ezra narrowed his eyes, hoping that he’d get out of here soon.

                Maybe he shouldn’t have hoped.

                Did he hope for something too hard before the accident?

                Because, you know what they say, he told himself, hope breeds eternal misery.

                “Well…” he pushed, a sharp edge underlining his tone. “Don’t you?”

                “Under the circumstances,” Guilia murmured meekly, “I have requested time off.”

                “So, what do you do?”

                Guilia went to open her mouth, but cut herself off. She tucked some of her hair behind her ear and took a deep breath; she was obviously being patient with her son. “I’m a lawyer,” she finally replied.

                “So you make a lot of money?”

                “Yes.”

                “Yet, Adam told me, I live with him. And that… that girl. So I don’t live with you?”

                She pursed her lips. “It was easier, better for you guys, for college.”

                “So we bought our—”

                “I see where you’re going with this, Ezra, but we paid for your expenses, and Carmen’s. You can say her name, you know. You were practically in love with her. I don’t ever want you calling her that girl again, do you hear me?”

                Guilia Sparks was never one to raise her voice, or to talk sternly to anyone, because it wasn’t in her nature, but she was finding this hard. And no matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t be patient forever.

                Because nothing lasted forever.

                Not love.

                Not friendships.

                Not memory.

                Not happiness.

                Not anything.

                Ezra now knew this. He didn’t before, but now he did. The accident had changed that. It had changed everything.

                Ezra looked at his mother, at her eyes, coldly staring at her. The way he looked at her, it was almost like he didn’t recognise her, like he hated her.

                “Get out.”

                “But, Ezra—”

                “I said: get out.”