words for the wind

V

haunt

I can't look at you anymore. I can't bring myself to look into your heartbroken eyes. Maybe because I'm scared to see what I've done to you. Or maybe I don't want to see what we've become.

Because every time I look into your eyes, all of our memories flood my thoughts. And it's hard to remember a time that we both weren't hurting. I think we loved each other too deeply, too desperately, and too obsessively.

I find myself begging for release of you. You haunt me at all times and I can't escape. But now I hear you yelling at me, "Why won't you look at me anymore?" My eyes fill with tears hearing the pain and helplessness in your voice. I wipe the constant tears from my eyes but I can't seem to bring my gaze to you. "Fucking look at me!" You yell with desperation drenching your words. "Please?" You beg and I feel my heart shatter. While you struggle to breathe through your sobs, I attempt to gather strength to speak.

"I can't, alright?" My voice quavers as I try to hold on to my resolve, but it's slipping. Slowly, I can feel my head start to tip upwards.

"Why?" You beg. And this time I can't help but look up. Your eyes are rimmed with red as you stare at me. I grimace at the pain that mars your tired face, and it's almost unbearable to look at.

"Because it hurts." I whisper, glancing away from you. "It hurts to look at you, and I don't want to hurt anymore."

A sob escapes his lips and I try to avoid the agony in his eyes. But I'm sure mine are the same. Because we are tearing each other apart stitch by stitch and we know it but we can't stop. Because we know if we stopped, so would our love. But we both know that without each other we are nothing. So here we sit destroying each other in love and madness.

I want to reach out to comfort you but I can't move. So tears stream down my face as I watch you struggle to breathe properly.

And in this room full of heartbreak and affliction, we are crumbled messes. I am broken and I am lost. But I am not alone, because there you are, beside me, just as broken and just as lost.