It's Not That Easy

Chapter 7 - Kickin' It

I declare to you that woman must not depend upon the protection of man, but must be taught to protect herself, and there I take my stand. - Susan B. Anthony

Chapter 7 - Kickin' It

"Again, let me hear you." Joel yells at me. We've been at this for more than an hour, and he's shed some of his protective gear. It's a good sign we're winding down now. He needs me to say my mantra. I need to hear me say my mantra to stave off my nightmares for a few days.

"I'm not a victim." I return with a hook - punch - slight contact.

"That was weak, again."

"I'm not a victim." Sidekick...contact left side ribs.

"Better, again." I see more movement from the right of the room, but I follow Joel's movements around the mat.

"I'm not a victim." Front kick...hard contact - center gut. Thank goodness for padding, because I don't think Joel faked the groan.

"You got that right, good. Stop for a minute." Joel comes over to check on me. This is crucial, if he still thinks I'm bothered by my nightmare then we continue.

I'm better now he must know it. "We good?" I nod trying to catch my breath. "Let's call it, unless you need more." I shake my head.

As I exit the mat, I see Helen with Edward. "What's up?" I ask Helen as Edward stares at me in fascination, like I'm a freak.

"We were watching from the window, and thought you were about done. Edward and I were going to go see our parents. You wanna to come with?"

I'm panting still trying to catch my breath. "No, I'm good. Joel's headed home this afternoon. His sister just got in, he's going to stay up there for the weekend."

"What are you going to do?" Helen asks, because Joel usually doesn't leave my side.

"Gavin has the day off. Joel will take me by there before he leaves. Chandler is coming over this evening. She and I are headed to Charleston in the morning." I tell Helen, but I can see Edward struggles with the information. "Are you coming back tonight?" She nods.

I turn toward Edward. "What? What's the question rolling around in your head?" I say in my prickly way, because I'm still pissed at him for his assumption earlier.

"You looked good up there. You're tough. Really tough, don't forget it." I think I'm going to have a heart attack. I think Edward just gave me a sincere compliment...and I feel my face heat with a blush. I'm not sure if it's the way he's looking at me, the words he spoke or the memory of him shirtless (with a tat) in my kitchen, but I have to shake him off.

I shower and Joel meets me outside the locker room door. He puts his arm around my shoulder and asks if I'm ready to leave, and I follow him out to his truck. "We need to get home. I need to pack, and you need to do the same." He says as if I have no idea what I'm doing, but he's right. I have no idea.

I feel like I have to relearn everything...how to dress, how to make friends, how to interact without panic. Connor took too many things away from me. Trust being the biggest one. I don't trust myself to be alone, yet, and I don't trust many others either.

I trust old friends and family; other than Joel I haven't trusted someone new in more than two years, and him only because he made it easy. I was really trying and he could tell.

"By the way, Gavin is coming over to get you instead of me dropping you off." He says as I pull out my phone and see I missed a call from Gavin and I have a text. "He called me since you didn't answer."