It's Not That Easy

Chapter 17 - Explain Yourself

In my experience, there is only one motivation, and that is desire. No reasons or principle contain it or stand against it. - Jane Smiley

Chapter 17 - Explain Yourself

Edward's POV:

"How can you say that to me?" Until now, Addyson hasn't said a word since I told her I loved her. She's sat here staring at me, blinking trying to figure out if I really just grew a second head.

"Because it's true." Shifting over to the side, I slide off Addyson's bed, and pull her to join me. "Let's get out of here for a little while, we both need a little air." I grab her a jacket and gather a couple of small blankets from the living room.

"Where are we going?"

"I don't know yet, but I want to be prepared to stay." My fingers lace into hers as we say goodnight to Helen and Joel. I'm not expecting to come back until they are both asleep.

The ride is quiet, with Addyson holding my hand looking out the passenger window. It wasn't until I hit Cantrell Road before I knew where I was headed. I turned right, passing the Heights and continuing on toward Holden's. Her curiosity wasn't even piqued when I passed Holden's apartment complex.

"Is this ok with you?" I ask as I turn off the engine in a parking space at Murray Park, letting her see where we are. A few streetlights illuminate the riverbank park with a clear view of the distant city on the north shore.

"Yes"

The park is deserted, and we walk along the path surrounding a jungle gym and between a few scattered picnic tables. Instead of staying under the larger streetlights near the park center, we venture off to a recently mowed meadow near the water's edge. I lay out one of the blankets, sitting Addy down between my legs in front of me. "You can lean back into me, if you need too." I tell her as we watch the large boats traveling the river.

The night air is calm with only a gentle breeze every so often. The solitude of this spot makes it easy to forget that we traveled less than a mile from a large metropolitan city.

My words break the silence. "Mo ghrá, four years ago, when I finally decided I wanted to quit fighting how I felt about you, it took a month to convince you that I was sincere. You had me jumping through hoops, trying to prove myself. I've never worked so hard to get someone's attention in my whole life, but I finally did get it." She lets me begin without interruption. I'm not sure if she needs reassurance from my words or if she is angry. All I do know is she will only get honesty, because that's all she's ever gotten from me.

"When I told you I loved you back then, I meant it, even though you were probably convinced I said it to get in your pants. I meant every word." She's silent, and has barely leaned back enough for me to touch her.

"Really, I thought I was over you, I tried to be. I kept a little part of you with me," I touch that little part in the center of my chest, inviting her to lean back. "But that was until I saw you again. You were more beautiful than I remembered, and that's saying something I have a really good memory." My fingers gently twirl a few of the curls on her shoulder.

"It stirred up all the old feelings. By the time I sat with you on your rock that first night at river, I knew I was still in love with you, and I wanted you back. I missed you. I missed the way you used to look at me, like I was the most important person in the world. I wanted to be that person again." She leans back into my chest, and I kiss the top of her head.

"I didn't want to pressure you, with the exception of you giving me second chance. I don't want to pressure you when it comes to your feelings or your body. We'll get there when we get there or if we get there at all, but I really hope we do." She tilts her head and I'm blessed with a view of her beautiful face.