Beautiful Things - Solangelo

3. I'm an idiot

(Will's POV)

A long the day I heard a lot about Nico - apparently he is the most interesting person in the school.
The things I heard were pretty much everything from 'he's the most horrible person in the world, I wish he would just die' to 'he's like a super hot angel'.

I still can't believe it - that he changed so much. Not just his appearance, his whole personality. After all I heard he's much of a troublemaker. A fuckboy. Someone who doesn't have many friends, but could make nearly everyone doing nearly everything.
An ass. The kind of person he always hated.

Why did he change so much in just six years?
This is impossible he - well actually it's not impossible. It's, more likely, my fault. At least kind of.
After he moved away I was the one who stopped answering letters and stuff like this. Even though I really did love him, he was my best friend, he meant insanely much to me.
Even though I knew he hated his new school, the people there. He wasn't very specific but I knew that he had no friends, that it was horrible, that he felt horrible.

Probably that's why I broke contact. Because he suffered so much, so obviously. And I was - happy. Of course I missed him, a lot, but I moved on. I had other friends, found more, had fun.
He got sadder and sadder. Then I stopped talking to him.

And oh boy, what did I hate myself for this. Because of course I knew that it was wrong and heartless, the worst thing a friend, anyone, could do. But it didn't change anything.
After I stopped writing for a while I wanted to contact him again - I really wanted. But I was so afraid he wouldn't answer. Not because he would be angry at me - I was afraid he wouldn't answer because he couldn't anymore. That he killed himself after I left him, that I would send this letter and he would never read it.

Now I know that he's alive. That he and his father moved again, that he and his situation changed. But I still feel guilty.
Because this boy - this boy I met, this boy I heard about all day - that's not the Nico di Angelo I knew. He's so much away from this that I really, really don't want to know what he has went through to get like this.

On the other hand I can say that I'm sorry now.
Sure. And everything will become like it was. We would just ignore what I did, what happened to him, and how he is now.
And that I, even I just saw him again and am absolutely aware of that it's a) stupid b) wrong and c) absolutely not helpful with anything, totally want to make out with him.
I mean, idiot, lost childhood friend, whatever, he's so hot.
Probably I should stop being like this. But damn.

At least I'm at home now.
My room looks still like shit, it's basically just my bed, some school stuff, everything else still isn't unpacked. Anyway, I don't want to stay here, I hate this town. But Nico