Beautiful Things - Solangelo

14. Not again

(Will's pov)

Nico glances at me, standing in the now opened door.
'Will, go away.'
'No, Nico! At least tell me -'
'Fuck of.' he makes a short break and touches my arm for a second 'Please.'
'Nico, is everything alright?'
'Yes! Leave now.' I could swear his voice is shaking. I could swear for a tiny moment his cold emotionless face breaks and his eyes a filled with fear and sadness, even panic, but right then he looks almost bored again.
'Damn, tell me what's wrong!'
'No, Will, just - '

In this moment Nico's dad appears behind him and every calmness runs out of Nico's face to leave pure panic.

At first I don't understand what's wrong, but when I look at Mr di Angelo - maybe I do.
I knew him, when we were children I knew him.

He was really friendly, a ''cool'' dad, everyone liked him. I never for a second doubted that he loved his family more than everything in the world.
There was just one time that I was truly scared of him, and that was when some older boys picked on Bianca, Nico's sister. His daughter. He was frightening, even he wasn't even angry at me. Whatsoever, the boys were since then very respectful (scared) towards Bianca and Mr di Angelo was friendly and nice.

But now he changed. It isn't even that is actual appearance would have changed that much, it's just something in his face.
So much anger. His eyes look so empty, so broken and at the same time like they could burn you. Like he could kill you with a snip of his fingers. Like he would bee constantly in pain and would over his own suffering forget all mercy.

And all this is nothing, absolutely nothing compared to Nico's face when his dad lays his one hand on his shoulder.
Panic. Fear. Nico's whole body is shaking like he would start to run away every second.
Like this hand would have hurt him.

Suddenly I feel the strong urge to grab Nico and run away from here, take him to some nice and safe place.

'Nico, is that a friend of yours?'
'No - no father.' Nico is looking at me, slowly shaking his head.
'Would you leave my house then?' Mr di Angelo speaks in a calm voice that's somehow even more terrifying than if he would shout.
Then, while closing the door, he turns to Nico 'Go and finish your packing, I want to leave tomorrow as early as possible.'

I'm in my room sitting on the floor and my head feels like it's filled with millions of wasps that are violently flying around inside of me.

What was this?
I try to calm down, I really try, but it's just so much and I can't get anything sorted out, so after a while I decide to make a list.
Lists are good and helpful.

I start to write:
1. Nothing is alright
Not very helpful, but it sums up the situation pretty well.
2. Nico is going to move
As this would be the biggest problem right now. Anyway.
3. Nico his hella scared of his dad
And that doesn't even express it. I want to help him, I need to do something and - no, wasps, stop! List!
4. Nico's dad did at some point hurt him
5. I need to do something
6. I don't know what or how
7. Tomorrow Nico will have left
This doesn't really have the effect I hoped for, but still, it kind of calms me down, so it was probably worth it.

So far with the things I know, now the stuff I can just assume.
I don't think that Nico really wanted me to leave, what would be good, if it wasn't about his reasons.
If it wasn't about him being afraid of his father and being afraid of leaving this place, where he might not be happy, but at least built himself a life.
And maybe it also reminded him on what happened; that we just got each other back and now he's moving again.

But I will not leave him again.
I just don't know how to help, how to do anything.

This can't just be it. He can't just disappear like this, it already feels like he would have burned a big hole in me, and I know that he himself is basically just a deep dark hole and I'm so afraid that he'll break into a million pieces just to soon.
He can say whatever he wants, but he does need me, or at least someone, but he allowed only me to be there for him.
All the time he was so afraid of stopping to run away and to enjoy the beautiful things in life and now everything he was afraid of happened. Will happen. Whatever.

Someone knocks on my window.

I get up and run over there immediately. There has, this far, only been one person that knocked on my second floor window at night. Nico.

And really, there he stands, on the roof of a car again, knocking and looking through the window, wich I try to open so fast that it takes even longer.

'Hi.' Nico doesn't sound good. It's dark and I didn't turn any lights on, so I can't see his face, but he doesn't sound good.

'Wanna come in?'
'Sure.' Both our voices are shaking.
I help Nico climbing through the open window.
Now, so close, I can see his face, even though it's dark - he looks like he had cried. He also looks like he would have had a nose bleed.
Mainly he looks like he would need a hug, so I hug him.

After a few minutes he pulls away, at least so far that he can look me in the eyes 'I'm sorry.'
'Don't be.'
'No, I was -'
'It's okay.'
'No, it isn't.'
'Not really, huh?'
We sit down on the floor, holding hands.
'So, you're going to move?'
'Will, I - yes.'
'Where?'
'Arizona. About five hours from here.'
'That's not that bad.'
'Will - '
'Nico, you have to talk to someone.'
'What?'
'About your dad. About ...'
'He's my father. He's -'
'He's hurting you.'
'Yes, but -'
'Please, talk to someone. Please. I can help you, if you want, but please, tell someone.'
'I can't. I - it was the first time since we moved here, and anyway, I'm going to be okay until college and then I can just leave and -'
'Nico, please.' I carefully lay my hands on his cheeks and kiss his forehead 'Be careful. Find help.'
'Will?'
'Yeah?'
'What is going to happen now? I don't want to - do anything. I want to stay right here. I - '
'I won't leave you, okay? We're going to do that together. Things are going to be alright. Not today, not tomorrow, but they will. I will be here for you this time. And you don't run away, okay?'

Now Nico hugs me. Apparently I looked like he would need it too.