Beautiful Things - Solangelo

12. Home

(Nico's pov)

My eyes are opened as I lay in the darkness, absolutely awake.
Will is asleep, I can feel him breathe since my head is resting on his chest.
I feel so home.
I don't want the morning to come, so Will has to wake up and leave. I want him to be around, always, to be here, to hold me the way he does right now.

And that's the reason I should get up right now.
I'm - I always get so attached to people that it already hurts to just think about leaving them for a second, how am I supposed to survive it when Will has to leave - really leave - again.
It will happen, everything ends, and I can't handle this, I can't love him so much and then go and lose everything, but it's already to late.

I wish I could stop to worry, just enjoy that Will is here right now, that he is warm and that he said he loves me, because everything could be so perfect, absolutely perfect, if I could do this.
But I can't shut up my thoughts, they keep and keep yelling around in my head.

Apparently Will somehow noticed that I'm awake, he opens his eyes now too.
'Why don't you sleep?'
'I can't.'
'You should sleep.'
'This will be over one day.'
'Nico, please - '
'You said everything has to end.' I didn't plan on starting of with this again, I wanted to keep quiet, but I need to talk about this. That I can't - I don't know, just can't.
'No. Or yes, I said this, but that doesn't have to mean... I mean, I won't leave you. Okay? I won't leave you again.'
'You can't promise this.'
'I can do whatever the fuck I want.' Will pulls me closer.
He's so warm. Probably he's right. Maybe things will be okay, and maybe things can stay like that and we can continue to live in this very moment.
I know we won't, I know it's just a desperate wish, but now it's enough and I can finally fall asleep.