Among the Stars [Frerard]

Chapter 13: Alive Again

But it never came. No interrogation from his boyfriend. Nothing. Just silence. Awkward silence.

The lesson came to an end and they still hadn't spoken a single word to each other. Frank hid his arm as best he could but he could always sense when Gerard looked over at his poorly hidden arm with this unreadable expression on his face.

Maybe it was shock or horror or maybe it was just disappointment. Pure and utter disappointment in this weak boy whom he called his boyfriend.

Although Franks thoughts on the matter couldn't be more false. Gerard cared for him in a way no one else could. He could never be disappointed in him, he could only feel sad of the actions his boyfriend felt he had to do.

And although Gerard had no idea how often his boyfriend took a lifeless piece of metal to his skin, it didn't matter, what mattered is that he had seen the scars, he had seen the marks of self destruction left on his beautiful skin. He didn't want Frank to ever have to do such a thing to himself. Not one single time.

He wished he could have been there for him when he had first started this horrible self mutilation which had clearly spiralled out of control quite some time ago, seeing as his thighs were covered in old, pale, barely visible scars and bright, vibrant newer scars. The progression from the thin pale lines to the thick red and purple ones was shocking and saddening.

Gerard would do anything to change this path Frank was on. Although Gerard had never had personal experience with such a thing, he wanted to understand. He wanted to help. More than anything he wanted Frank to be happy with not only his life but also himself.

"Come with me."

Gerard got up from their desk, Frank following closely behind. They stopped at Gerards locker and he pulled out a grey hoodie. However Gerard continued to the boys bathrooms, the same ones Frank had hurt himself in earlier. Frank was left to scurry along behind Gerard. When they got inside, no one else was there. Gerard turned around to face Frank, he took a step towards him.

He planted a quick kiss on his lips and muttered into his ear, "I care about you," he stopped and sighed, "so so much."

Frank was a bit taken aback to say the least. His thoughts were screaming that he was lying but he wanted to believe it. Frank desperately wanted to believe that someone cared but now that someone was finally telling him that they did, he couldn't believe the words. Nor the actions that backed Gerards words up.

"Take off your hoodie," Gerard basically commanded him and Frank complied.

Although reluctant to show him his arms. They didn't have many scars. The only visible self harm on his arm was a burn mark from when he was smoking that now had a small blister on it and todays new cuts. Franks hoodie stuck to the cuts and he winced slightly at the pain of having to peal it from his arm. The pathetic bandage he had put on it earlier had fallen off at some point during the lesson and he had thrown it away.

Now he was stood in front of Gerard, cuts visible on the side of his arm. He couldn't help but feel like a stupid and helpless little child who had done something he shouldn't have when he stood feeling so exposed in front of Gerard in the quiet bathroom. He was afraid someone was going to burst through the doors and call him a freak when they saw his arms. But most of all he was afraid of his boyfriends reaction.

He reacted well to seeing old scars but new wounds? New proof of how much of a failure he is? Who knew how he would react upon seeing it. The only way to tell would be to see his reaction, so Frank lifted his gaze from the floor and looked at Gerard, who was now intently staring at his arms, his eyes beginning to tear up. He never wanted to provoke that reaction. He never wanted to hurt someone with his own actions. Frank wished for a different outcome, that Gerard would call him a freak and break up with him only to never speak to him again. That pain he could have dealt with but he couldn't deal with hurting him this way.

Gerard tore his gaze from his arm and tried not to cry at what he had just seen.

"Uh, do you uhm wanna clean them or something?" He gestured towards Franks arm that had the still fresh cuts on it, they were barely visible because of the blood staining his pale arm. He continued, "uh sorry I don't really know what to do or how to uh help you?"

"Oh, uh don't worry it's fine. You don't have to help." Frank tugged nervously at the hem of his short-sleeved shirt.

"That's not the point though Frankie, I want to help you with this."

Franks mind was screaming to tell Gerard what a lost cause he is and how he could never help him. But he didn't. He couldn't bring himself to push away his amazing boyfriend. It was selfish and oh god, did he hate nothing more than being selfish. But it's human nature and Gerard made him feel alive and although he didn't know if he liked that yet, he really liked Gerard and he feared being away from him may hurt more than feeling like he was alive.

Over the years he had found comfort in the numbness of feeling like he didn't even exist and now that that feeling had left him, he didn't know what to do with himself.

"Anyway, here," he handed Frank his hoodie, "it'll be a bit big for you but it'll look adorable on you."

Frank mumbled a 'thank you' and tried to hide his blush by quickly pulling his boyfriends hoodie over his head. He turned to look in the mirror and just as he had said, it was too big for him. Frank thought he looked ridiculous but he didn't mind because he was wearing his boyfriends hoodie and that thought alone made a smile tug at the corner of his lips. Gerard stood behind him and wrapped his arms around Franks waist.

"See," he rested his head on Franks shoulder, "absolutely adorable."