Starting Over

Chapter 46

I walk through the compound trying to clear my mind. Why did such an exciting event bring on such bad memories? Everything seems lost in a daze as I keep reliving that day. Before I know it I'm making my way to the fear landscape room.

I've just entered the room when I hear footsteps behind me. Without turning around I know who it is. "Hello Tobias."

"Are you going through it?" he asks. I still haven't looked over at him. I go over to the computer and set up the software to my information.

"Yes, are you coming with me?"

"Only if you want me to." I pick up two syringes and hand one to him.  "Then okay."

I sweep my hair away from my neck and lean my head to one side. I feel a slight pull as he sticks the needle into my neck but I don't react. Once I'm done he bends down so I can get up his neck. When he's done as well we prepare for the simulation. A minute later we're in it.

I open my eyes to an open field. Tobias is right next to me. I smile at him slightly before the crows start to show up. I quickly grab the gun that appears in the waistband of my pants against my back. I take aim and start shooting. The first few drop easily but there are so many that it hardly seems to make a dent.

"Give me a gun; I'll help," Tobias tells me as he ducks away from a crow. My shots slow as I focus on giving him a gun.

"Check your back," I tell him as I go back to shooting. He quickly pulls a gun out of his waistband and starts helping. A few minutes later the sky is clear and the ground is scattered with dead crows.

The next thing I know I'm inside and Tobias is pressed right against my back. I feel water lapping at my boots and see a glass wall in front of my face. I hear Tobias breathing heavily behind me. Our space seems to shrink by the second with the water quickly rushing into the box.

"Tris, can't you break this?" Tobias gasps. I keep looking at the box and the water now steadily inching up my legs. It's so cold my toes start to go numb. "Tris!" Tobias snaps. My head jerks up and I look at him. His eyes are closed and he has his hands braced on the glass roof. I suddenly react to his earlier question.

"Yeah... yeah just give me a second." I try to push the memories of my mom away but it's hard. I was already missing her and this same fear is what helped kill her. Why did I think this was a good idea?

"Please hurry!"

By now the water is to my waist. I plant my feet on the bottom of the box and shove against the glass with both of my palms. I will the glass to shatter as I make contact and it does. All of the water goes rushing out and Tobias's breathing steadily slows. I get confused when the water keeps crashing over me after I know the box is empty and turn to face where the box was. The box is gone and instead I'm faced with a giant wave.

"Tobias!" I shout just before the wave crashes over our heads. I resurface quickly and quickly gasp for air before I'm shoved under again. I'm tossed around under the water and it takes me longer to resurface this time. It takes so long that my lungs start to burn. I kick up and finally reach the surface.

"Tobias," I gasp out and turn to see him break the surface, gasping for breath. "Tobias this is a harder one for me to control, I-" I'm cut off by another wave that crashes into us. I'm thrown under the surface and fight to get back to the surface.

My head burst out of the water and I'm gasping for breath. I frantically look around me, searching for Tobias. I get more and more panicked with each passing second. He still hasn't surfaced. I was out of breath when I surfaced almost thirty seconds ago. Where is he?

I'm still panicking when another wave hits the back of my head and forces me under again. I force myself to open my eyes under the water but I don't see Tobias. Where could he be? He's got to be out of air by now. I know I can't help him by panicking so I force myself to stop. I stop fighting the waves and instead let myself sink into the water. Slowly I feel my body going numb and my heart stops racing. The scene suddenly shifts and Tobias is next to me. I don't care what this fear is as long as he's with me.

"Hello, Tris," a voice hisses from beneath me. I realize that Tobias and I are tied to a pole and Peter is staring up at us with a snide grin. There are others with him, including Malachi, but it seems Peter is the one calling the shots. "Hope you're not afraid of fire, Stiff," he calls as he strikes a match and drops is on the pile of wood surrounding the wooden pole.

"No, I'm not afraid of fire Peter. Do you know why? I smell rain."

I feel the warm fire under my feet but at that instant the sky opens up and rain pours down from the sky. I see the rain choke out the fire and smile down at Peter. He can't get the best of me, he's Peter.

Suddenly the scene shifts again and I'm standing in front of my parents, Caleb, and Tobias. The simulation Tobias has been replaced with the real one which makes it even more painful when the voice tells me to shoot them. I grab the gun in front of me and press the cold metal against my head.

"Tris, don't you dare! Shoot me instead!" I shake my head no and close my eyes. "Tris!" he shouts. I pull the trigger and hear the crack of the bullet. Before I feel anything the scene shifts and Tobias's arms are around me.

"We have to run," I tell him as I shove out of his grasp.

"Why?" he asks right before a gun goes off and the tree we're standing next to splinters.

"That's why," I reply as I grab his hand and start pulling him through the trees with me. Once he's running with me I let go so we can run faster.

We're still running when I trip over a root and fall to the ground. I see Tobias stop and turn to face me. What is he doing? He runs to my side and tries to help me up. Just as I'm almost up I see a shadow in the trees and know we're going to be shot. I fall back onto the ground and Tobias goes down with me. I see the figure raise a gun and throw a hand out like I can stop it. I don't want it to touch us. I don't want us to be shot. I hear the gun go off but nothing happens. The bullet stopped before it hit us. I look up and see a black smudge on something right next to my hand. I reach forward just slightly and feel a smooth surface separating us from the figure. I realize it's a shield and laugh.

I open my eyes and see Tobias standing next to me, in real life. I smile slightly at him because I don't know what to say. I know he's seen my fears before but he's never been there with me. Not to mention I wasn't being very nice before we went in.

"Did that help?" he asks as he crossed his arms over his chest. He doesn't move toward me, he just stands there. I shrug in response.

"Some of them helped me take my mind off things."

"Tris what was bothering you?"

I explain what I was thinking about during dinner. He takes it all in before he comes over and wraps his arms around me. I lay my head on his shoulder and just breath in his scent.

"Are you okay now?" he asks.

"I don't think I'll ever be okay with it, but I'm better than I was a few years ago. Those aren't just bad memories, those memories are scars; I'll always have them."

Tobias doesn't say anything. Instead he just runs his hand over my hair and kisses the top of my head. He knows better than anyone how events can leave scars.