Replacement.

9."Existential Crisis."

Cody christian as Matt (christine's bro) ^^

Christie's POV

"I don't want to go." I whine, holding onto my doorknob, as Matt pulled on my legs.

"Get out of your room! You can't avoid it forever! Grow. The. Fuck. Up!" I let out a high-pitched shriek, and he lets me go, my legs falling onto the ground.

I stand up, dusting myself off. "Fine, I'll go." Matt throws me a triumph smirk, making me roll my eyes.

"Jackass." 
*
"Christine! Where were you yesterday?" Serenity rushes over to me, holding onto me tightly. I awkwardly wrapped my arms around her, patting her back.

"I dropped my phone in the bath yesterday, I would've called." She rushes out, pulling away.

"Don't worry about it." I smile at her softly. Serenity smiles back, and we walk towards everyone else.

"Christie! Where were you? First Max ran off, and when she comes back, you leave!" Francis exclaims, throwing his hands into the air, clearly exasperated. I throw him a sheepish grin, and Serenity walks over to him, speaking in a hushed tone.

I sit down besides Dan, nudging him with my shoulder. "You alright now?"

He looks at me, "Me? You're asking me. I should be asking you that. What happen?" I shake my head, brushing the subject off casually. Max sits beside Dan, and smiles at me.

"Hey." She greets.

"Hi."

Jesse sits beside me, a boyish grin on his face. "Hey Chris."

"Hey loser."

He reaches over, side-hugging me tightly. "Take it back!"

"No." I say stubbornly, struggling in his muscular arms. I found myself blushing, as things ran through my mind.

"I'm going to kiss you if you don't." He tells me calmly.

I freeze, a warm feeling blooming inside of me. I felt the heat rush up to my cheeks, as I stuttered out incoherent words.

"W-what did y-you ju-just say?"

Jesse snickers, placing his soft lips on my cheek, before letting go. He sunk back into his seat, leaving me there shocked.

I touched my cheek, the spot where he kissed me, the warmth of his lips still there.

"Well Chris, it's your turn today. Well, it was yesterday, but you weren't here." Jesse informs me casually.

He was clearly unaffected, unlike me. I clear my throat. "I-I don't know where to start."

"Take your time." Max whispers, easing the nervousness I was starting to feel.

I was silent, wondering what I could say, that would tell them how I felt. But that was the thing, my fear, the thing that drove me insane, it couldn't be described with words.

It was emotion, pure, raw emotion. 

I let out a shaky breath, "I'm going to try to describe the paranoia I feel. But, I'm not promising anything."

I was quiet, biting my lip harshly. "I have this irregular-insane- fear of falling apart, the fear that one day I'll wake up and someone would take my place. I'm afraid somebody else might take my place." 

I felt my body shake slightly, when Jesse reached over and put his hand over mine. My body was still twitching, just not as much. He laced our fingers together, the anxiety in me vanishing.

"I don't show it, but when I'm alone, its there. Its like, a nightmare that I can't wake up from, all the irrational fears morphed into one." I hold onto Jesse's hand a little tighter, afraid he'd let go of it. He squeezed my hand to assure me he wouldn't, and I found myself at a strange type of ease.

"I lay in bed at night, wondering how anything would change, if I was gone. And I come up with nothing. Nothing would change. The world would still spin, people would still breathe, eat, sleep, and enjoy themselves. The simple thought of it just tears me apart, it fucking rips me to shreds, and throws me into a state of panicking."

I blink, trying to collect my thoughts, trying to process them, without sounding like I was insane.

"Its like-have you guys ever wondered what happens when we die?" 

Dan nods vigorously. "Yeah." 

"I think about it, and I just feel dread inside of me, a sort of sinking  feeling." Max confesses. 

I nod, "That's exactly what I feel, whenever I'm alone. You only get it when you let your mind wander, and think about death but I-I get it all the time. When I'm alone. When I let my fear take me places. I feel it every single day." 

"Kind of like, an Existential crisis." Dan says loudly.

"Exactly what it is." 

*
 i should end it here before it gets too deep, and you can't get out.

ew that sounds rlly gross

oml

i keep reading that

okay um ew, i'm gonna go

pls comment on this tell me how shitty i did

ily