Her Mysterious Ways

Chapter 26: The List of Things to live By

Just remember this chapter is in ROSEMARY'S POV
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Part II: Rosemary
Time seems to stop sometimes. Like when you sing or dance, the hands on the clock seem to stop moving for a moment or two. I just found it interesting how in our minds we are timeless for those few minutes, but the rest of the world is still moving, still making noise that we don't hear. It's like reality just hasn't caught up with us yet.

Kissing Cole was like that.

The way his hands glided from my cheeks to my waist as his lips touched mine made time stop. No one knew what we were doing, and that was the beauty of it. They didn't need to know, because in that moment, it was just us.

Then I pulled away, remembering why I didn't kiss him in the first place.

"Sorry." Cole mumbled as he stepped back one step, scratching the back of his neck. He always did that when he was nervous. Just like I bit my lip. It was a way of trying to deny actual feelings.

"Shit." I could hear the ticking of the clock behind him. I could just imagine the gears turning as the hands moved with each second. Time was still moving. It always is.

"So now what?" He started shuffling from side to side, his fingers tapping against his thigh. I had always wondered why people convulsively tapped things when they were nervous. It was like every time their blood pumped through their veins they had to hit something with their finger or foot.

"You shouldn't have done that. Fuck me I shouldn't have done that. Why the hell did we think that was okay to do? Now what? Oh my God this sucks." I stood up and started pacing in front of him. My heart was pounding and my fingers were tingling with the need to repeatedly hit something.

"I know, I know. Shit I'm sorry. But maybe it isn't so bad, you know? Maybe it's okay that this happened. Like a sign or something. I don't know." He sat down at my desk chair, looking defeated.

"No. This is NOT okay. Not at all. Do you know what's going to happen if you get involved with me?" I got off my bed and started pacing in front of him as my anxiety tried to overtake me.

"What do you mean if I get involved with you? I'm already your friend. The only thing that would change is that we could finally tell each other how we really feel without having to worry about anything. I'm already close to you, Rosemary. Nothing's going to change that." He looked at my face as I paced the whole time he was talking. It was like he was trying to calm me down, but what he didn't know was that he was making it worse.

"No Cole. That's not what I'm trying to say. You don't get it. I can't do this with you. It's not fair to you or me or anyone else." My heart was racing and my hands were clammy. Anxiety was a disease of the mind that leaked into physical side effects. So while my mind was thinking of every bad scenario that could happen if we continued what you could vaguely call a romantic relationship, the physical side effects followed. Ex.) Heart rate rising, body temperature rising, shortness of breath, compulsive tapping, ect.

"Then what are you trying to say? Do you now like me or something? Because if that's the case, you can tell me. I promise.; It's not like I'm going to do anything. You can't change how you feel as much as I can." His shoulders hunched and his face fell, making me wonder why this is bugging him so much.

"I'm just trying to say that this isn't going to work. If you think this has any chance of a happy ending, then you haven't been paying any attention whatsoever." I shot back at him.