Afire Love

sixteen

Chapter sixteen: Two Negatives In One Sentence

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"The more I think about it now,

The less I know,

All I know is that you drove us

Off the road."

~All you had to do was stay, Taylor Swift.

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I DON'T GET out of my tent that night. I don't want to give a reason for others to contemplate that I'm in misery.

You can only believe in a person when you also know the other side of them. But if I actually think about it, I hadn't known the other side of Edward at all. Who was he really? To make me feel jubilant at one point and then melancholic at the other? Who was he to confuse me? To break me? To make me feel unworthy of his love?

I'd wanted to ask him why he stargazed with me in the first place. I'd wanted to ask him why he chose me over Marcie, why he chose me over the rest of them to explore this place, why he got jealous when I was just with Jake. I'd wanted to ask him why he told me that I was his wonderwall when I was actually nothing to him at all. I'd wanted to ask him why he made me believe in love.

But I fucking couldn't.

I wake up from the bed and walk toward the mirror to find a mortified expression on my reflection. I look like I'm lost, like I've been awfully depressed lately, and there are distinct bags under my eyes, making me look devilish even more. My straight hair has become considerably frizzy and I comb it using my fingers.

I wash my face and fake a smile.

Nobody can make America Stryder feel lost.

I sleep alone that night. I don't get out to eat although my stomach growls in desperation every minute. People might have assumed that I'm still sick and that I might need some rest, which is why they hadn't probably disturbed me.

I slowly drift off to sleep pondering about what actually happened and what could have happened instead.
 
                                                                                                 

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THE NEXT MORNING, I drag my body for a quick change of clothes and tie my hair in a ponytail when Anika storms into the tent.

"Do you always not knock before entering?", I ask her warily, zipping my leather jacket up.

"You can't knock on a tent", she says, rolling her eyes and settling herself on the bed.