Afire Love

twenty

Chapter twenty: I Despise You But Not Really

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"It's dangerous to fall in love,

But I want to burn with you tonight,

You hurt me,

There's two of us,

Bristling with desire,

The pleasure's pain and fire."

~Fire Meet Gasoline, Sia

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THERE ARE GOOD days and then there are bad days.

And then there are days when you feel like shit, when you're awfully depressed and you aren't motivated to do anything. And by anything I mean even getting up from your bed to brush your teeth.

It feels like an irrevocable force is pulling me, strangling me into a whirlpool and I'm no more floating on the water. Instead, I'm drowning, getting succumbed and desperately trying to breathe.

Breathe.

But I just can't; I'm no longer able to breathe, I'm no longer the happy, badass and carefree person that I was earlier.

What happened to the days when I happily danced in the rain? What happened to those days when I ate ice-creams with Edward, stargazed with him? What happened to those days when Abin planned amazing revenge projects to sabotage Marcie?

What happened to those days when I was nothing but happy?

Breathe.

Let me tell you the adventurous story of America Stryder and her pathetic life.

America Stryder was a girl who happened to be content with what she had. She ruled her grade and her friends. She ruled her school, period. But not in the Nazi-Hitler way, just in the I'm-a-hot-girl-yo way.

Also, she'd never believed in love.

But one day came Edward like a Prince to rescue the Princess, and in the process of rescuing her from a feeling called loneliness, he stole her heart. Poor girl, she fell for him. But how could she know, how could she guess that her girl friend had fallen for him too? Above that, how could she possibly think that he'd accept to be with her girl friend?

She at least had her best guy friend, she'd thought one day. But he ruined it too. He lied to her about having a non existent girlfriend to trigger feelings inside her so that she could fall for him. And then he confessed to her that he loved her all along. Poor America didn't know it all.

Her life was worse than a love triangle after all.

Breathe.

As I lay on my bed, a tear trickles down my cheek. And another. And another.

My body feels heavy, my muscles feel numb. My head throbs and every bone in my body doesn't want to cooperate. The saner part of my head is whispering, asking me to get up, reminding me that I can go back home today. But the other part of my head, the one that's tainted, is refusing and unwilling to command my body to wake up.