Ink Heart

Chapter 9

Kristen's POV  

I wake the next morning hoping to find Josh next to me I just want to stay in bed all day holding his warm skin just talking, When I turn over what I hope to find is Josh is just a empty bed.  

Then I look across the room where I see Josh moving around his room very fast, while putting his clothes on and looking for things. I stand up he doesn't noticed me yet.  

"Are you going somewhere"  

He doesn't turn around he just starts buckling his belt and says  

"Yeah I'm sorry I forgot to tell you but I got called in to do a interview for this morning on the radio"

  "Oh okay-"

  "You can just hang out her today i'll be back later at 6:00 pm.  

He gives me a kiss on the cheek says "Bye babe, I'll text you." and heads out the door.  

I walk to the windows on the side of his room over looking the front of the house where I watch Josh drive off on his motorcycle. I start by heading to his big music collection again and search threw. I then come across a band that I am quite fond of and play it in the record player. The band is Blink 182 and the song that first comes on is called I miss you.

  I find myself sitting on the floor now wandering my thoughts. I remember that sad girl I used to be at home, I have tried to kill myself so many times before I met Josh he changed my heart leaving a mark of happiness that will never leave. But my sadness slowly starts to eat away at that when I'm alone. I have told Josh a lot about me but not all of it. I told him how I ran away, he found out about the cuts and I even told him how I've been struggling with depression for that past 4 years and he has been lifting me up threw it and taking care of me so much. But I still haven't told him everything about me. Like how I see myself and how much I hate myself, then that thought comes back again...

Fat

Ugly  

Stupid  

Worthless

  I wish I was good enough. I wish I could be better. I start to feel the tears forming in my eyes and my throat starts to close in now. 

I can't stop it tears are pouring down my face and thoughts are now escaping.  

Kristen go kill yourself Josh would be better without you, he deserves so much better anyways. Thought after thought after thought after thought bringing more and more tears. I cry forever it seems until my body can't produce anymore tears, now my body just shuts down I don't feel anything, just shaking on the bed. I must have fallen asleep after crying because I am woken by my cell phone. I extent my arm and check who it is.  It's Josh and there's a unread message.  

"Hey babe sorry I wasn't there to spend time with you today so I'm going to make it up to you go down stairs to the cleaning closet it's a surprise :)"  

Josh must know how hard for me being alone with my depression because he's always feels bad when he's not there to make me happy.

  I get up from the bed and see that I record player is now playing nothing just spinning around making slight crackling noise. I run down the stairs searching for the cleaning closet it and doesn't take me long to find it.   When I open up the closet there's beautiful dress hanging, it's a short strapless dress that is a pink pearly colour it is plain with a silky feeling to it then on the side counter is some white heels with straps on them and there's a note  

"Wear this tonight I'll come ready at 6:00 pm to pick you up"

  How does he do it? Make that hole in my chest fill in?

  I run up stairs to his bathroom with the dress and shoes to get ready, surprisingly I've been sleeping for a long time so I have to get ready now. I hop into the shower first to freshen myself up. The shower isn't too hot because I want my hair to be silky smooth. After shampooing, conditioning scrubbing every bit of oil dirt and shaving all the hair off my body and cleaning my face I then get out if the shower to work on my hair and makeup.

  I start with my hair blow drying it, it then turns into my natural curls they look the best they ever have all soft and smooth that it looks like I might have curled my hair. I decide to leave it and grab both the top of my hair and pin it to the back so all my hair goes down my back.

  I then look at the time, Josh should be here soon I don't put on much makeup I keep it a light, clean, innocent look. I then slip on my dress and heels and head for the door.  

(I will do the next chapter later my parents are getting curious to why I'm always in my room on my iPod and I don't want to have to explain to them that I'm writing a Josh Hutcherson fanfic so I'll do it later tonight, listen to the video on side of this chapter to hear the song that was playing in the book ok buh bye)