Ink Heart

Chapter 14

Josh's POV  

By 11:00 pm the house is completely packed with people my house is a mess and the music is blasting.   It turns out that the small get together that I was supposed to have wasn't so small, I'm going to guess there's now 200 people crammed in my house now. Some of my friends that I invited thought it would be cool if they brought there friends and there friends brought there friends and so on.  

Most of the people showing up at my house were just letting them selfs in now, strangers. I hear the door bell ring and squeeze myself threw a crowd of people when I answer the door, there's three young girls they all then stare at me and scream in my face. So I then slam the door shut.  

I walk past some people when I spot Kristen stumbling down the stairs like a cluts she's completely drunk once again but I also know that I'm not thinking so clearly either. She pushes me up against the wall and says  

"Look what I got"

  and pulls out a bag of weed. I then give her a side smirk and head up stairs to the bed room where I reach under my bed and pull out my bong. Me and Kristen sit face to face on the bed cross legged as we both take turns ripping on the bong. I then all of a sudden feel all of the worrys about the party drift away and I now just want to have a good time with Kristen.  

I grab her hand and race down the stairs to find some people I know to introduce them to Kristen I then spot Avan threw a crowd of people. Avan is already drunk and it doesn't take long for Kristen and him to spark up a conversation which I can barely hear because the music is playing so loud.  

I've never seen Kristen so confident before when talking to people, but I think it has something to do with the high from the weed, which makes sense because she is laughing at almost everything that Avan says. I then wander of to the kitchen and leave Kristen behind with Avan. I then feel the sudden urge of hunger so I open up the fridge and start grabbing all the left overs I can find and throw them on the counter behind me. I then shut the fridge door when I am startled by a girl leaning up a against the wall behind it. It was the same girl that I saw at my front door screaming in my face. She must be a crazed fan because she didn't seem to keep her eyes off me. It started to get creepy and made me uncomfortable so I then grabbed my food and a bottle of vodka and carried it to my room.  

When I walk up the stairs I then peer down and then see that Kristen is still talking with Avan. I walk into my room and slam the door shut using my elbow and take a swig of Vodka and sit down on the bed and muck down my food. I hope Avan doesn't try to make a move on Kristen I mean he's my friend but I know Avan and well Kristen is very gorgeous and he doesn't exactly know that Kristen is my girlfriend yet, maybe Kristen told him, I hope.  

Kristen's POV  

I think I've left Josh alone long enough so then I go search around the house to look for him I walk all around the house checking every room but he's no where to be found? I then feel very stupid he must be upstairs in his room of coarse. I miss him so much I just can't wait to kiss his soft lips.  

I fly open the bedroom door to see Josh is kissing another girl. Josh then pushes the girl off him and just stares at me.  

Everything goes blank my mind is almost in shock that I just stand in the most blank look staring at him. Is that really Josh cheating on me no this can't be true.  I thought that he loved me I thought everything bad was gone.  

"Kristen I-.... It's not-"  

I run down stairs pushing everyone out of my way straight to his bathroom I slam the door shut lock it and break down crying on the ground. I am crying so hard that I wouldn't be surprised if the people outside the bathroom could hear.  

It's the worst pain I have ever felt like my heart was being stabbed over and over and I couldn't stop the feeling. Nothing could stop my thoughts as I cry my face off. I am then hitting my head with my heads and let out a high pitched scream. I then hear Josh behind the door screaming and pounding on the door.  

"KRISTEN! IM SORRY PLEASE COME OUT YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND IM SORRY KRISTEN LET ME IN!!"

  He just keeps pounding on the door over and over I just want him to leave. Fuck! why! why! why! why does this happen to me! Is what I hear in my head. What is the fucking point of life anymore.  

I learned something that day that no one can save you, you have to save yourself. I just want this all to go away I then lift my head up from my knees and notice Josh's pocket knife on the counter. I then slowly get up and grab it, I flick it open staring at the blade I can now hear Avan pounding on the door too and hear Josh yell out

  "SOMEONE CALL AN AMBULANCE!!"  

I sit down against the door again and stare down at my wrist and see a big vain where I start to slit into the top of my wrist I don't look down I stare up at the ceiling still crying only pushing harder and harder on the knife dragging it across my skin deeper and deeper.  

I then start to imagine myself walking into the water on the beach walking deeper into the water.

my legs are under

  my stomach

  and then my head

  and I am now gasping for air, this is the pain.  

The feeling is so sharp that I'm scared to look down to see the damage I've done. I can only feel the blood rush down my arm and pouring onto my legs I am still pressing down and then until I feel that I'm about to pass out for being under water for to long and release the blade from my skin. It's the same feeling that Josh used to make me feel the feeling of relief from my troubles like catching your breath under water after a long time, except this time it's only from the relief of the pain. There's that word again relief. Relief, relief, relief.  

I feel my mind go black and my head feels light headed and dizzy. I then put my mouth up against the door so Josh can hear me and then whisper  

"I don't need you to save me anymore...  Goodbye Josh.

(It's not the end of my book yet don't worry I will write soon)