Mhen

V.

"Loving is not owning, you can let me go, you can let me go." -MYMP

Napagtanto ko sa mga taon na lumipas na hindi pang aangkin ang pagmamahal, seeing a person happy being with someone else is both heartbreaking and calming as well. 

"If you love a flower, don't pick it up. Because if you pick it up it dies and it ceases to be what you love. So if you love a flower, let it be. Love is not about possession. Love is about appreciation."

I agree, but in some extent, parang gusto kong magmay-ari ng isang hardin, at nandun yung bulaklak na 'yon. Eventually even if you don't pick that flower, if it's on the street, people will pick that flower. I want to protect and preserve its beauty. It's not owning but nourishing.

Love is not about possession, but if an inert matter like a flower can't protect its own, someone must. someone should. 

I want to be that someone. Not that she can't protect herself, but i want to grow with her.

The past years, i completely lost contact with her. It's partly my choice since i know she has someone.
But i long to see her smile, i long to hear her sweet voice. I really miss her.  She never left my mind, never. But together with her memories comes pain and regret, eventually i set my feelings aside because i can't bear with the pain anymore, but it's still there, whenever i feel that i'm courage enough to endure the pain, i think of her.

It's paralyzing, knowing that a relationship can go so much farther but it ended because of a fcking computer game.

It's a costly mistake. and by that, Mhen, I am really sorry.

Mid part of 2015.

Out of nowhere, she chatted me, we've reconnected after all these years. But at that moment i thought she was "over" it. And i can't accept that. so i left. once again, i DC'ed.

Pag may ginawang mali sa'kin ang isang tao, never ko gagawin sa iba ang ginawa nya sa'kin. It's like a positive way of dealing with karma, never do unto others what you don't  want others do unto you.

A Golden rule, so sa punto na yun. I thought she's with him.

Stupidly enough, i never realized that the small window of opportunity i am waiting for the last 3 years, is that date, that moment. I let it pass me again. 

I'm an imbecile. Seriously stupid.