Mhen

VI.

"Sometimes, Love is not all about being patient. It's not about waiting for the right moment but risking everything and creating the right moment. It's about taking the leap of faith."

All these years I've been waiting. Patiently.

I've been true to my commitment, "I'll wait for her to come back."

I've been. 

But not anymore,

Not because i got tired of waiting but i realized what if she, too is waiting?
And we're both hoping one of us comes back?

If so, it should be me, definitely me.

So, the last part of 2015, i decided to reconnect.
I knew from a friend of mine that "they", split up. 
For a moralist, it's the right time.
No one would get hurt, no feelings would be "stepped over".

But after deciding that step, i wonder if it's not too late.
Four years seems long enough to create a new persona.

Ako pa ba yung dati? Siya pa ba yung dati?
Pero napagdesisyunan ko, "We'll never know if we never try."

Ako na siguro ang pinaka duwag na taong makikilala mo, lagi akong nagbibigay lakas ng loob sa ibang mga tao pero sarili ko mismo, di ko kayang palakasin ang loob. Maraming mga katanungan ang tinanim ko sa loob ng ilang taon. Mga pagaalinlangan, at mga tanong na ilang beses ko na nilaktawan. Mga "Baka" at "Siguro". Mga "Paano Kung" at "Bakit Kaya".

Di ako mapakali hangga't di ko nasasagot ang mga tanong na'to. At hindi ko kayang sagutin ang mga 'to mag-isa. I don't hold the answers to these questions, but i know she can answer those.

It's like an exam, a test. Ako ang estudyante, siya ang guro. Nasa kanya ang answer key.
Ayoko nang manghula, sapat na yung mga tanong na nasagutan ko at yung mga nilakwatan ko, si Ma'am Mhen na ang bahalang sumagot. 

Today is December 31, 2015, the last day of me doubting myself, the last day of being a coward, a jerk and a stupid person.

And so ended a chapter of questions and from hereon, begins a chapter of finding answers.

It can go both ways, let's just hope for the best and be relieved that unanswered questions will be answered soon.