My Teacher, My Lover, My Kylo Ren

Chapter 16

"They can't be early. They won't make it." I was sobbing as the doctors waited on the epidural to set. There was so much pain. I felt a wave of pressure, and not a good kind, pass through me. I screamed out.

"Advancements have been made. We must still be hopeful." Kylo told me. His voice never unwavering. I don't know how he could be so strong through all of this. "This is why they're going to get our son and daughter out. So they can give them the care to survive. This is a tactic, a procedure to help." Kylo held my hands. Never letting go, and never softening his grip.

'What did I do to deserve you?' I think inwardly. I don't want to lose him. I don't want him to leave. I don't- "The chances are small." I cried out, terrified. All the fear from the beginning resurfacing. "I'm not good at anything am I? Why did I think I should have been a mother?"

"Do not say that." Kylo kissed my hand.

"It's true." I bet I looks so ugly right now. Tears and snot running down my face. Beautiful.

"You're good at being a good person. I've tutored you in the ways of math but you've shown me what a good person is. You're a good person and you care so much and that is why you're going to be a good mother. You're still going to be a good mother."

"I'm not. They're going to die." I shook my head. Everything he said passing over my head.

"They're still alive. It's their place of residence that's dying. Ame. You are strong. You can do this. This is your chance to save them. But you have to be strong for them. You and I. We're together: always together."

I nodded, crying into his chest. He was wearing that leather jacket I liked. 'Ame this is no time to be checking out your fiancé.' I scolded myself. 'Focus. You need to get these babies out or they'll die!'

After five minutes it was time for them to perform the C-section. Kylo held my hand the whole time. There was no time to waste when the doctors got the babies out, they were rushed away on carts.

"Go!" I yelled at Kylo. "Never mind me! Go!" He begrudgingly let go of my hand, looking back at me reluctantly before chasing down the doctors. The remaining doctors tended to me, stitching me up. I knew there would be a scar. I know it would be ugly.

I know I'm going to be ugly now. Kylo is going to leave me. It's all my fault this whole thing happened.

****

Kylo took me down to the care ward for the infants, when I had recovered from the epidural, in a wheelchair. I was in a lot of pain. It was a large room filled with special intensive care units for babies born preterm and/or with other serious problems. It was nothing but the most depressing and heart crushing place to be for me to be in. I knew, and understood what other parents were probably going through and it was if I could feel it on my shoulders, not just the worry for my only children, the heartbreak that I had failed them but it was if I could the feel the suffering of all the babies and their parents in that room.

I needed, wanted out. Every fiber within me was screaming at me to leave the room and hide from it, but I wasn't going to do that. I needed to be here. I would feel even worse if I wasn't near them.

"See. They're in need of a lot of care and they're in the woods I won't lie." Kylo told me. "But they're strong and they'll have good chances. The doctors are keeping them together. Some studies have shown preterm twins can have an impact on health improvement by being together... I don't know how exactly. I don't care as long as it works." I wasn't listening. I was watching them. The gentle beep of the heart monitors. The stillness in the air.

It was the first time Kylo had screwed the informative book and just took it as a thing. I started crying again because I realized he was probably dying inwardly like I was and he was being strong for me. It would be ok if he broke down in front of me. I needed him too.

"Ky-"

"Shhh my love." Kylo comforted me, stroking my shoulder. I sniffled after a while and wiped my tears with the shirt. "They have better chances than some."

"Don't say that. I want all of them to have good chances." I whispered.

"Still the good heart." Kylo kissed my hand again. I looked into his eyes and saw the tears in them.

"It's ok to cry honey" I touched his cheek and there enough was a small stream of tears falling from each eye. There was a nurse that came up to them.

"Hello"

"Yes?" Kylos voice cracked as he looked at the nurse

"A woman that says is your mother is here to see you"

"Please let her in" I said. I knew it wasn't my mother. It was Kylos. My mother hasn't even noticed I moved my crap out. The nurse nodded and left. Kylo kneeled down and buried his face into my chest. The familiar feeling helped but he still cried into me; just like I did earlier. He wanted to scream and fight but all that he could do was hold me close. I smoothed his air. I felt his tears on my skin. I didn't want to push him away. Instead I pulled him closer.

Leia walked in and she as well was crying. "My baby" she opened her arms and Kylo hugged her. It had been years she she held her son and she held him tight.

"I have to go" Kylo said standing up straight and wiping his eyes. "Mom, stay with her." With that he left the intensive care unit. Leia walked over to her wheelchair and kneeled down to her.

I held Leia's hand, and cried. "I'm so sorry."

"It's not your fault it's-"

"Shhhhh. Don't worry about who's fault it is. All that matters is the safety and health of your babies." I nodded and watched them sleep. The heart monitors steady, slow but steady.

***