more than this // lrh

//9//

I woke up to my alarm going off at 6:30 am on a cold foggy morning in San Francisco. Like any other girl before school I checked my phone and sure enough I had a text from Luke. 

From Luke: hey baby I hope you have a great day at school. Text me if you need anything okay? Also I have a surprise for you after you get out (-;

He's so flipping adorable.

To Luke: you're so adorable lukeeeee (: I can't wait for the surprise (; 

I put my phone on the dresser and began to make my bed. I threw on a pair of black leggings and a dark blue Sydney Australia hoodie I took from Luke. It smelled like him and it was so soft. I put on my pair of shiny black doc marrtens and went to the bathroom to brush my teeth. Then I did put on mascara because that's the only makeup I wear to school and I little bit of powder to lightly dust my face. And I throw my hair up in a messy bun and grab my phone headphones and backpack before heading out the door to walk to school. I wasn't looking forward to school today. Mostly because Luke isn't there and I wouldn't be able to see him until 2:15. Another reason is because people saw me at the fair with him and I know I'm gonna get confronted about it. Why can I live in the rich part of town like everyone else, west of the bridge. I always hear people talking about how the east side is where all the poor ugly people live. I guess I'm one of them. I still wonder what Luke sees in me. I'm not beautiful, he may say I am but I don't believe him. I arrive to hell at 7:20 only 10 minutes until the first class of the day starts. I go back to my locker and I see a bunch of papers that were stuffed into it. I'm very nervous to open it. The nasty comments probably written them made me feel sick. I slowly open my locker and a bunch of papers fell to the floor. There was no one in the hall so I decided to take all the papers to the bathroom and read them alone. I wanted to be alone. Fuck first period, I don't need pre calc. I have an A in the class so not going is t going to kill me. I'll catch up. I gather all the papers and walk into the bathroom and go into the big stall meant for handicapped people. I put the lid down on the toilet and sit on top of it and begin to open the papers. "Whore" the first one read. "Ugly bitch" the next one said. "Poor ugly coffee girl no wonder you have no friends" the third one said. "I saw you with that boy Saturday, he'll dump you soon" tears began to stream down my face. I hate it here so much. All I am is miserable all the time and Luke makes me happy but I'm still sad. I'll always be sad. "just kill yourself already" the fifth one said. I started crying harder. "Maybe I will" I mumbled to myself. I had my blade in my makeup bag I brought here for days like these. I unwrapped it from the tissue paper and rolled up my sleeve.tears poured down my cheeks and I began to slice my skin. 5 cuts later I rinsed my arm and wrapped it with gauze and pulled down my sleeve. I washed he blade and carefully rolled it back up. My eyes were red and puffy, a sure sign I was crying and I couldn't go to class they would know I read the notes and I was weak. There was 15 minutes till class ended so I'll just stuff them in my locker again and then when I come to school tomorrow (maybe) it'll look like I'm just seeing the notes. I stuffed the all back and made my way out the front door. And I texted Luke. I needed him. 

To Luke: hey, can you come get me?

From Luke: yeah, is everything alright? 

To Luke: no. I need you.

More tears welled in my eyes and I was crying again. I waited about 10 minutes and I saw lukes car pull up. He parked the car and pulled me to his chest and I started crying even harder. "Shh, I'm here, it's okay" Luke kept whispering in my ear trying to calm me down. "Cmon, let's go home" he said in my ear. I hoped in the car and Luke began to drive. He reached for my hand lacing our fingers together and I gently squeezed his hand. Luke started rubbing soft circles with his thumb on the back of my hand to comfort me. I just stared out the window the whole time. A few tears made their way down my cheeks and I wiped them away but I think Luke saw because he squeezed my hand. It was only 8:15 when Luke pulled into the parking lot of the complex. We walked to his place because I didn't want my parents to know that I skipped. It was silent all the way there and I liked that. Luke opened the door and I went to his bedroom. He sat on the bed and I went on his lap burying my face in his neck as more tears leaked out. He tightened his grip around my waist rubbing my back softly. "What happened at school baby girl" he whispered in my ear. I sniffles back tears and I began to explain why I was so upset. "I got to school with 10 minutes til class started and I went to my locker to grab my pre calc book and I noticed all this papers stuffed in my locker and I know there were mean comments written on them. So I grabbed all of them and I went to the bathroom and I read them all and they were really hurtful comments and" I needed to tell him what I did, I promised I'd tell him when I was feeling down. "I hurt myself again Luke" my voice cracked and more tears fell from my puffy red eyes. The blue in my irises darkening because I was upset. Luke tightened his grip around my waist. "You don't need to hurt yourself, no matter what anyone says about you, you can't hurt yourself. I love you so much baby girl" Luke kissed your forehead and then it hit you. Luke loved you and you loved him. "I love you too Luke" I kissed his lips.