more than this // lrh

//18//

// trigger warning// 

Luke has helped me with my self harm and depression. I don't cut anymore I'm about 2 weeks clean. My mom is an angry mess. She never leaves the house unless it's to go to work. I'm so fucking done. I hate my life. Everything was getting better and now it's going downhill again. I need luke but he's all I have and I feel like such a burden to him. Last night my mom laid her hands on me leaving a bruise on my wrists. Luke is coming over after his shift from work. He still doesn't know about the bruises. I was laying my bed when I heard my mom walk in bursting through my door. "Hey deadbeat" my mom slurred. Since when is my mom a heavy drinker I asked myself. "Mom" I questioned not believing it's her. "Why are you still here, did luke drop you already" tears stung my eyes, this isn't like her at all. "You know you deserve it" she asked. "Deserve what" I wiped away a falling tear. "Feeling the way you feel. You deserve the pain. It's your fault that your father is dead. You caused him so much stress no wonder he had a stroke. If I'm next I wouldn't be suprised. You're a fucking mistake Katie. I saw the scars on your wrist, that's why I hurt you. I knew luke was trying to help you and I knew they were healing. Maybe you should just kill yourself" tears were endlessly rolling down my cheeks. I fucking knew it, she hated me. I knew this day was coming. "Maybe I will" my voice cracked. She walked away slamming my door. I herd her throwing up in the bathroom, she deserves it. I grabbed my bottle of sleeping pills, sobs escaping my lips as I dialed lukes work phone. "Hey baby" luke said. "Luke, I love you so much and whatever happens after this is for the best okay" "what's going on, Katie what are you doing" he questioned. "Don't blame yourself, it's me, you don't deserve this" "deserve what, baby, what are you talking about" he was worrying. "Don't worry about me, don't bother visiting me later" I dropped the pills on the floor. "Fuck" I muttered. "What just fell on the floor" when I didn't respond I think that's when it clicked in his mind as to what I was doing. Tears filled his eyes rapidly. "No, fuck, baby, don't do that. I love you, please" he started crying. "I'm coming over, right now" he said through the hot tears that run down his cheeks. "No don't come, you need to let me go" I started crying harder. i hung up the phone trying to get all the pills up. I put about 10 pills in he mouth getting ready to drink water so they'd go down easier. I swallowed 2 pills when luke bursted through the bathroom, door with tears rolling down his cheeks. He grabbed the water out of my hands and he made me throw up all of the pills. "Luke why did you do that" i sobbed in his chest. "You're okay baby, you're okay" he whispered, more to himself, as he held me in his arms, tears still falling from his eyes. I held onto him tighter my crying not slowing down. "What made you want to do this" luke asked softly, knowing I was in a frailge state. I explained what my mom said softly, not wanting her to hear me. I felt the muscles in lukes back tense, as I held him. "I'll be right back, I love you" luke said kissing my forehead.