Crazy (s.m)

thirty two

S H A W N

I ran out of her house, tears streaming down my face as I realized everything I've done. I feel so stupid. I messed things up. So bad.

I ran through my front door, ignoring the faint comments from my mum and sister. I only focused on going to my room and hiding away from everyone and everything. I just wanted to escape to my tangled bed sheets and sleep.

•••••

{Monday}

It's Monday now. The second day of waking up with a pounding headache and puffy eyes. I had stayed in my room all yesterday, only leaving for food. I didn't feel like talking about it. But I knew I needed to face it and just properly apologize to Alice. I feel so bad, I broke her heart. Hell, I probably made her depression worse. She probably cuts even more now and school isn't going to help. I need to talk to her, before it's too late.

But for today, I'm going to spend it writing songs and crying, just like yesterday.

God I love her.

•••••

A L I C E

Yesterday was terrible. After Shawn left on Saturday, I told my mum everything and just cried. I haven't stopped. I couldn't get myself to be angry either. I didn't hate him, that's the problem. See, normally someone would start the anger phase about a day after they cheated. But for me, I'm still in love, and I wanted everything back. I wanted him to hold me and comfort me but it was just wrong.

I groaned at the sight of the blurry outline of the digital numbers from my alarm clock. The beeping wouldn't shut up but I couldn't fully open my eyes to find the snooze button. I just covered my ears with two pillows and waited for someone to make it shut up.

"Alice!!" I heard a loud call from a sweet, familiar voice. "It's a very important dayyyy!" My mum shouted and moved the pillows from my ears after turning the alarm off.

"Ughhh no." I mumbled, snuggling under the sheets more.

"I made pancakes." She said and I smiled.

"I'm up!!" I flew out of bed. She laughed and I shooed her out. "Now leave or I'm never eating your little pancakes."

I quickly shut the door and my mood changed back to what it was yesterday. Occasionally my mum could cheer me up, but nothing could get my mind off Shawn. I leaned against the door as I looked at my wrists. That night, before my mum got home, I ignored what Shawn said and made my cuts deeper, and more of them on my right arm. Somehow, my mum hasn't noticed them yet. It's cold as fuck though so I've been wearing sweaters and shit. I sighed and walked towards my dresser, struggling for an outfit. I got plenty of clothes, almost a thousand dollars worth, but I didn't feel like picking an outfit out.

After struggling with my outfit and hair, I completed my makeup and slipped on my boots. I walked out of my room and into the living room wear my mum was sitting.

"Plate is in the kitchen!" She smiled and I just found the plate she made and quickly ate it as I realized I was going to be late.

"Bye!" I said before walking out the door. My mum stopped me and hugged me but I just kept my arms to my side. She got mad at me for me complaining about my hair getting messed up and I left before she could take anything away from me. The walk to school was about ten minutes so I made it in time. Here goes nothing.

•••••

{fourth period}

The day so far has been hectic as hell and I was just ready to go home. I texted Courtney every second I had. I hadn't told her about Shawn though. I didn't want her to hate him.