Crazy (s.m)

forty

y'all we're on chapter 40...woah.

*please read the ending author's note as i have some important stuff about why i write certain things in this book. *

x

S H A W N

"Hello?" My voice croaked as I answered the phone. My eyes were squinty and I continued lying down.

"Shawn?!"

"Yeah what up?" I said, my voice getting more normal as I situated myself better under the sheets.

"I can't find Alice." Was the first thing that came out of Alice's worried mother's mouth. My heart beat quickened and I swallowed hard, trying to get rid of the annoying familiar lump in my throat. I hated when this happened because it simply happens too much.

"W-what time is it?" I asked, sitting up and choking on my words. I felt myself start getting sweaty as she paused before answering my question.

"1:23AM."

"Shit..." I mumbled, moving my legs out from under the covers as her mom sniffled through the phone. "Okay I'm going to go look for her. I think I might know where she is."

"Okay just-" I cut her off by quickly pressing end and getting out of bed, turning the lamp on and pulling a shirt over my head. I slipped on my vans {damn daniel} and quickly rushed out the door, grabbing my keys.

Sweet precious memories from happy times filled my head as I drove silently in the car. A few tears shed but I focused on getting to the place I needed to be. This was the place I took her on Valentine's Day almost five years ago. The empty field where we sat and watched the stars, forgetting our worries and letting go. This has become a routine thing now. She comes here anytime she's sad or every time she cuts. The depression never ends. We got her medicine but she refuses to take it and when she does it doesn't do anything. The only thing she has left is me. And I'm never leaving her.

When I reached it I parked sloppily and ran out of my car jogging and calling for her. I kept running and running until I faintly saw her small body curled up in a ball against one of the old benches from a distance. I ran closer to her and every second her cries god harder and louder, my heart breaking with every one of them.

When I reached her I was out of breath but I finally got to sit down next to her. I grabbed her arms, pulling them away from the grip on her legs. Her head slowly came up, her eyes red and puffy, tears streaming down her flushed cheeks. I turned her wrists and saw they were clean. Only the faint scars from cuts she did a month ago. A smile grew huge on my face.

"Baby..." Is all I could whisper because before I could say anything else, she ripped her arms out of my grip, me being startled by her quick actions. She stood up and started walking away but I walked towards her, grabbing her shoulder. "W-what's wrong?"

"Shawn. I think you should leave." She said, stopping as I moved to stand in front of her.

"W-why?" I asked, my throat getting dry and it making it almost impossible for me to breathe.

"Shawn you fucking cheated on me. For the second time."

That's when my heart broke even more. My world was collapsing. She saw the hashtag. She saw the tweets. She saw everything...and she believed it.

"Baby that wasn't real you know I wouldn't do that aga-" I was cut off by her yelling.

"SHAWN I'M DONE. I DON'T NEED YOU TO TELL ME A LIE. JUST GET AWAY FROM ME."