Abstract

Chapter 20

Yay, I've finally reached Chapter 20. That's a huge milestone for me because I usually give up after chapter 5. But this book is one of my first serious books and although it's not perfect, I'm really proud of it. I hope to have 25-35 chapters before I finish this book. Also, I go back to school on the 13th of Jan so I'm not sure how frequent my updates will be. This chapter, for me, was really hard for me to write because of my beliefs and Religion. But growing up in a world where love is hard to find, I just wanted to promote peace for my fellow humans who identify with the LGBTI+ community. I respect what you stand for and am so glad that we are moving toward a time where you guys are being accepted more and more.
______________________________________ Whilst sitting in a coffeeshop, I once overheard a couple arguing. This was pre-emotions, so I didn't even have an ounce curiosity to listen in on their conversation. But they were talking really loud, and I couldn't exactly turn my ears off. Ugly words flew from both of their mouths.

"I've never loved you. Don't you get it? I thought you were my first love, but now I realise that love is a facade accepted by people who don't realise that it doesn't exist." The girl told the boy, and just like that their relationship ended, right in the middle of the coffee shop. I'm sure neither of them would drink coffee the same way again.

Your first love is undoubtedly someone you'll never forget. Again, it seemed like I was the last person who should be an advocate for anything that has to do with emotions, but I knew my first love was someone would never forget. See, we put these shackles around what the perfect idea of love is. We take something beautiful and mould it into something basic and bland. We put limits on love when it is such an infinite thing. My race, my class, my gender should never be the deciding factor on who I choose to love. Love is the innocence within one's self, and it doesn't taint the innocence of others. So don't you dare tell me love is a facade or that it doesn't exist, because it's the only thing in this world filled with hatred and pain that still flows through the souls of those who would let it.

Some people are lucky enough to stay with their first loves. For others, though, that's all it is: someone who you used to know.

If you met your first love again after years of not seeing each other, then maybe your facial expression could be similar to that of Adam's when his first love, Jace, showed up at his doorstep.

Adam and I were sitting in his living room while his parents were away on a business trip for a week. We were playing an intense game of Jenga when there was a timid knock on the door.

"I'll get it." Adam had said.

I craned my neck to see what was taking him so long. A boy stood at the door. He looked scared out of his mind. I could tell because he'd eyes kept looking around frantically for danger. There were bags under his brown eyes and his blonde hair was frazzled.  I couldn't hear from where I sat, but I saw the way the boy's lips moved as he spoke to Adam. Adam remained rooted on tbe spot like he had just seen a ghost.

"Adam, what's going on?" I had asked when I finally had had enough of sitting down, clueless.

The boy stared at me then back at Adam then back at me again.

"I'm sorry. I didn't realise you had company. I'll just leave." The boy said. His voice was crisp and clear, unlike his appearance. He seemed like he hadn't eaten in a few days.

Adam grabbed the boys arm before he could get far. "No, Jace. Don't go. This is Aura. She's a good friend of mine.  Come in, please." Adam held onto Jace's hand with the familiarity of lovers.

"Who is that?" I asked when Adam and I were alone. Jace was busy taking a shower.

"A friend." Was all he had said to me. I gave him my signature glare which I've perfected over the past months.

"He was my first love." He ran a hand over his face. Sometimes I forgot that Adam was bisexual because I thought he didn't 'look' it. But sexual orientation doesn't have a specific look, and that's what people didn't realise.

"Oh," I said, as everything began falling into place. I didn't know the whole story, but I knew enough to give Adam's birth father the privilege of being the first person I've despised.

"What are you going to do?" I finally asked him, when the silence became to much to bear.

"I don't know. He has nowhere else to go. His priest of a father disowned him as soon as he found out he was gay. Help me, Aura." He pleaded.

"Let him live with you for a while. You know, until he lands on his feet." I suggested. I didn't know if his parents would agree to it, but I've met Mr. & Mrs. Baxter. They seemed like the most understanding parents ever.

"What is he going to do? He's turning nineteen, just like me. How the hell is he supposed to start over? In a new city? With no family?" Adam's eyes were conflicted with uncertainty. 

"We'll figure it out. Don't worry. I'm here for you. Always." His small smile made me smile with him.

"You've come a long way, Aura. Eight months ago, I watched you walk home everyday with a deadness in your eyes. It's still weird to see you smile."

I punched his arm playfully and he ruffled my hair. Jace appeared into the room, freshly showered. His skin had retained some of its colour and his blonde hair was mused with water droplets. He wore a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt. He was barefoot.

"I should get going." Jace muttered. I almost didn't hear him, but Adam heard him loud and clear.

"Where are you going?" Adam demanded. He inched closer to Jace as if we was going to bolt out the door.

He shrugged. "I don't know. Maybe I'll go back home and finally agree to go to that Christian counsellor dad was talking about. I can't stay here. It was wrong of me to put you on the spot like that."

Adam grabbed the sides of his face with both hands. "You're not going back there, Jace. You hear me? Fuck counselling. There is nothing wrong with you. Never feel like there is something wrong with you. Please. You're perfect. Absolutely flawless."

It was safe to say I bawled my eyes out on the spot.
______________________________________