Love Strung Depression (Zak Bagans Romance)

Chapter 11

December 14th.

10:00 pm

The night before my death.

I felt guilty for leaving Zak so soon, we had just declared our love for one another a month ago. It didn't change my mind about going. No force in the world could stop me.

"Scar, are you coming to bed?" Zak called from my room.

"Oh um yea." I mumbled sliding inside from the fire escape. My face was cold and my lips had begun to turn blue, I had been sitting outside so long thinking about my suicide that I had lost track of time.

Closing the window I locked it shut then turned and walked down the hall into my room. I stopped at the door admiring Zak reading the newspaper and every minture pushing his glasses back up a bit because they had slid down as he read.

"Enjoy the view?" Zak asked smirking as he looked up.

I would miss his teasing and cute little comments. I stood for another second needing a moment to relax my mind.

"You alright?" Zak asked his smile slowly fading.

"Yea I'm fine, really." I said trying to reassure him.

"You've just been a bit distant this past week." Zak said putting his paper down.

"I've just been deep in thought lately is all." It was the truth, I had been deep in thought about what I was going to do and how it would affect Zak.

"Oh really what about?" Oh god, what was I supposed to tell him? I didn't have any more lies or tricks left up my sleeve.

"Just e-verything." I stuttered.

"Scarlett come here." Zak whispered opening his arms.

Standing still I hesitated, I couldn't just let myself get so attatched tonight. Wasn't the whole point of this to let go? Not to grow attatched?

Slowly I walked toward the bed and sat down next to Zak. I let him pull me into his lap, envelope me into a hug, and held me tightly.

"Scar you know I love you unconditionaly, right?" Zak whispered against my neck sending chills down my spine.

"You know you still send shivers down my spine each time you talk to me, right?" I whispered.

"As long as the spark is there." Zak whispered making me feel even worse. On Zak's behalf the spark wouldn't be there much longer. I wanted to cry, I wanted Zak to know, but I just couldn't bring myself to tell him.

"This is madness." I whispered turning around to face Zak.

"Love is madness." Zak said brushing a strand of hair from the side of my face.

"I love you so much." I whispered trying not to cry.

"Babe, what's wrong." Zak asked taking my hand in his.

"Nothing, just my mind has been mental." It still wasn't a lie but it wasn't the truth either.

"I love you too." His words sent chills down my back, exploded warmth in my body, made me weak, and most of all made me want to stay with him forever. But the promise I made myself couldn't be broken, not now, not moments before.

"Can't we just fade into pretend?" I asked running my hand up and down Zak's warm cheek.

"Now why would we do that when we could live in the now?" Zak asked cupping my face in his big hands.

"Pretend is safer." I whispered.

"I'm safer." With those two words he leaned forward and kissed me. I gripped tightly onto his hands that cupped my face. I didn't want to let this man go. What was I doing with myself, I couldn't take myself over the pain of another man when I had the love of this man.