Look To The Stars

I Don't Care, I love It!

I could see his feet through the space below the door as he stood inches away from the only thing separating us. He came even closer and leaned in towards the door whispering intensely, “I’ll get you back for this. Don’t you worry love.”

I waited for him to walk out before I even started to put my original clothes back on. When I walked out of the dressing room, there was a massive dent in the wall across from me that was probably the size of my head. I couldn’t believe he had punched a wall and made that big of an indent. His hands must’ve been huge. I walked out scared that he would still be there but the place was practically empty. I picked up a pair of beige pumps before checking out and leaving the store. The guards were gone but there was an overwhelming sound of screams coming from the lower floor.

“Not again!” I thought to myself as I fought through the crowds of teenagers blocking the mall’s exit. “MOVE BITCHES!!” I screamed at them in the hopes that they would let me through. It proved to be an extreme challenge to get back to my car, mostly because of my short stature and the tall people that filled the spaces of the small shopping center. I was exhausted by the time I got into the front seat of my car. I began backing out and noticed some girls running behind my car with posters in hand that had “I LOVE ONE DIRECTION!” written on them. “For fucks sake! They’re everywhere!” I hit my hand on the steering wheel out of frustration and contemplated running the girls over. I decided it wasn’t worth it and made my way back to my apartment.

 It was going on 4 o’clock and I knew I needed the next 3.5 hours to get ready. I opened my front door to an excited Babycakes and a note on the floor with “Amelia” written on it. “They spelled my name wrong. Must not be from someone I know.” I thought to myself. I opened it and saw cat-scratch looking handwriting formed into a single sentence on the paper.

“Wear something nice.”

-Niall

“He came here Babycakes? Again? Damn. That means he actually remembers where we live and is probably coming back…Well this is shit. Alrighty then!” Babycakes just stared at me intently as if she knew exactly what I was saying.

I went straight into my bathroom and started the hot water in the shower before undressing. I hopped in and the hot water felt so good on my skin but I found myself thinking about the crazed boy that saw me in the dressing room. His eyes were so green and yet so dark. I felt as though I couldn’t hide anything when he was looking at me and when he touched me, I was frightened and yet so exhilarated.  There was a certain wrongness I felt when he was standing behind me and I wondered if he meant for me to feel that way with his presence. I knew I wouldn’t ever see him again or feel his warmth that close to my body which was strangely upsetting. The way he acted made me feel momentarily alive even though it was wrong in every way possible. “Slapping him was the right thing to do. He would’ve just hurt you.” I told myself to end my wandering thoughts.

I stepped out of the steamy shower and dried my body off before observing the monstrous curly mass that was my hair. I wasn’t entirely sure what to do with my hair but I sure as hell didn’t feel like trying to make it look pretty. I observed every inch of my body critiquing everything, “God, your hair is too big, your butt is too big, you’re too thick, and your nose is too wide. People will always judge you before they know you just because you’re dark.” Seeing myself in the mirror positively was always hard for me to do. I hated everything about myself but the worst part was that it was a list of things I couldn’t change. I couldn’t help being black.

I stepped away from the mirror before I could damage my self-esteem any more. I needed to be strong for tonight and I needed to make him think that I was confident even though I was feeling awful. I plugged my iPhone into the amplifier and started playing my “HAPPINESS :D” playlist.

“Under a pale blue sky, you never felt so cold. Another sleepless night, how could you ever let go”

I skipped back to my front door with my towel wrapped around me in rhythm to grab my bag from Topshop.

“How do you recognize the dirty face of gold? Behind that crooked line where you never knew you’d go”

I jumped on my bed and filled my lungs with air so I could scream out the chorus line.

“HEADED FOR THE OPEN DOOR! TELL ME WHAT YOU’RE WAITING FOR! LOOK ACROSS THE GREAT DIVINE! SOON THEY’RE GONNA HEAR THE SOUND, THE SOUND, THE SOUND WHEN WE COME RUNNING!”

I jumped down off of the foot of my bed so I could actually start getting ready. I covered my skin in Jergens lotion mixed with my favorite Pink scented lotion while still moving to the beat of the music. I found myself jumping up and down when the chorus line came on again and I heard a loud bang on the floor from the residents below me. “SORRY!” I yelled before laughing loudly at myself. I put my best underwear on and looked in the mirror at myself again and suddenly I didn’t feel as bad. I put my silk robe on and sat in front of the make-up station I had set up in another part of my room.

“What the hell am I going to do with this?” I said while pulling on my curls. The flat-iron was sitting in front of me and I decided I would straighten my natural hair for the hell of it. I started adding numerous oils and moisturizers to my hair before I even thought about attempting to comb it out. This was a very lengthy and tedious process that most people didn’t understand. Once I finished combing through, I grabbed the blow drier and began my arm workout a.k.a. hair straightening. I was glad my hair was long when it was straightened. It may not bounce and blow in the wind like other girls’ hair did but it was the best I could do without any fake hair. I looked at my hair with satisfaction after I finished blow drying and flat ironing it. I thought it actually looked decent which was extremely rare.

I then began applying makeup.

“I got this feeling on a summer day when you were gone”

Everything was going smoothly so far which was surprising. I applied the eyeliner with ease and put on just enough mascara to make my dark brown eyes look big and beautiful.

“I crashed my car into the bridge, I watched, I let it burn”

I grabbed the red lipstick and applied it to my large lips.

“I threw your shit into a bag and pushed it down the stairs”

I got up and stepped back while looking in the mirror again and silently complimented myself on how good I looked.

“I crashed my car into the bridge”

 I reached into my shopping bag and removed the revealing black dress I had tried on before.

“I don’t care, I love it!”

Again, it slipped on with ease and accentuated my curves and suddenly I truly felt beautiful. I placed the beige pumps on my feet which immediately helped improve my height by making me at least a couple inches taller.

“I don’t care!”

 Before I knew it, I heard a loud knock on my front door and Babycakes started barking in reaction. I quickly sprayed perfume on my wrists and neck, grabbed another jacket, my purse, and headed to the door. I opened it and there he was in my doorway, wearing a charcoal suit with a white shirt buttoned up all the way and white converse. His eyes were just as beautiful as before, only this time they were looking at me in a new way. Although I couldn’t tell what he was thinking, I think he was pleased.