Thomas's POV:
That evening, Newt didn't show up for dinner. I wondered why. I knew I shouldn't be ignoring him but I felt embarrassed for my feelings towards him. What if he didn't feel the same way? Why did I grab his hand in the first place? He probably didn't even want me to touch him.
Whenever something awkward happened I pushed people away. It was my instinct, which told me to do so. I hated myself for it. I didn't even want to push Newt away. He was one of my only friends in this weird place. Maybe he skipped dinner to avoid me? I knew it wasn't fair to think that way. I had been avoiding him, he had done nothing to avoid me so far. I tried to recall the whole day. I remembered Newt looking at me and I remembered giving him a cold stare in return. Newt had looked sad.
---
I was about to go to sleep when I saw he was gone. Newt was nowhere to be found, while I was pretty sure he had been there just a couple of moment ago. What happened in the time I had been using the bathroom? I started looking for him.
---
When I found him he was in the kitchen. Frypan locked it after he had left but somehow, Newt must have managed to get the keys. I was shocked to see his wrists. They were stained with blood.
I went over to Newt and snatched the sharp object from his hand. He tried to object but I wouldn't give it back. Never.
"What the hell Newt?", was all I managed to say.
He started sobbing.
"I'm so sorry. I'm such a failure", he said.
"No, you're not. You're not a failure at all."
"Then why did you ignore me, Tommy? Why?"
Guilt washed over me.
"Oh my god. Is that why you did this?"
"Partly but don't worry, it's not the first time I did it."
That didn't make me feel better at all.
"I'm so sorry Newt. I didn't mean to ignore you. I was just a little confused."
"So was I! Though I didn't ignore you either, now did I?"
He sounded a bit angry.
"No, you didn't and I told you I was sorry. I just didn't know how to deal with my feelings. I enjoyed holding your hand and you're a boy!!! That's not normal. That's not how I'm supposed to feel at all."
"I enjoyed it too", Newt admitted.
"Did you really?"
"Yes, I did."
I fell silent. I didn't know what to say.
"I hope you'll enjoy this too", I said after a while, before leaning in and crashing my lips against his.
I could sense Newt was surprised by this sudden action but after a while he kissed me back with so much passion, I couldn't help but falling for him even more.
I took a break to breathe.
"Please never hurt yourself again. I care way too much about you", I told him.
"I'm sorry Tommy but I can't promise anything."
His response disappointed me. I wish he would have promised me he wouldn't do it again but I also understood he couldn't make that promise. It might have seemed like a simple promise but I knew it wasn't.
"But will you at least try? I'm so sorry about today."
"I know you are and I promise I'll try."
Then I kissed him again.
---
Author's note:
Hey! I know this is a bit of a short chapter but I really wanted to update. They shared their first kiss omg and my poor baby! I don't want him to feel alone and worthless.
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If You Don't Know || Newtmas
Fanfiction"The maze broke his spirit, the fall broke his leg, the flare broke his mind, the end broke his heart. He was the glue who fixed everybody but himself." Newt's life seemed pointless until the new newbie arrived. Could his life be worth living again?
