If This Was A Movie - A Joshifer Fanfiction

Chapter 6

I'm above the ruins of what once was Josh's house. We are standing together, me and Josh, on a cliff overlooking the mess.
We're both crying. I look over to him, but he's fallen off the cliff. Only a few feet down, but still significant. "Josh!" I scream. I try to grab his hand, to reach out and save him, but it doesn't work. The ledge he was on has broken, and he's already flying through the air. He hits a small platform of rock a half mile down from where I stand.
The paparazzi approach me, to take photos of the incident, probably, and I beg them to help me. But I see that instead of cameras, they've brought weapons. To kill us. I back up, slowly inching away from them, when I suddenly slip off the cliff and fall. The air rushes through my ears until I come to a stop on a small ledge, probably only a foot wide.
"Jen! Help me!" Josh yells, weakly, from far below. "Josh!" I cry. He's at least another hundred yards down.
I can see he's holding on by a small rock, which is breaking off. "Josh! No!" I scream, but it's too late, he's already fallen. I hear a loud thud at the very bottom of the chasm, and hear nothing else. No cries of pain or begging for help.
I sit there and begin to sob--
And then I'm awake. I realize that I've been crying in my sleep, and screaming too. My throat feels hoarse.
I look at my surroundings, and then remember where I am. Josh's house. Which, thank god, is no longer a heap of rubble.
I begin to sit up, and just as I am, Josh rushes in. "Jen, are you okay?" He asks, concerned. I feel a trickle of appreciation make it's way through me. "I think so." I begin. My voice sounds hoarse. "It was just a nightmare." I say, trying to calm him down.
"Jen... You don't sound okay. Do you want to talk about it?" He asks tentatively. "Yeah, I guess so." I say, unsure if I actually would like to or not. I feel like my dream somehow translates into the feelings that I have for him.
I check the clock on the wall in the room, and it reads 1:30 AM. Weird. It feels like 4:30, but I guess that's because I've been in New York.
I follow Josh out to his living room. I sit down on the couch. He opts for the arm chair across from it.
I explain my dream in detail, from start to finish. I pause at the end, though. I don't know if I'm ready to talk about the end. Well, it's now or never. I tell myself. That's something my father would say. I take a deep breath and explain the end.
Josh is quiet for a few minutes after I finish explaining it.
"Jen... I..." He starts. He looks me in the eye, and then continues. "I'm so sorry. I... I understand. Completely. I have nightmares too. A lot, actually. About the press. About loved ones dying. About you getting hurt." He begins. I now look at him in the eye. "What I've learned is that even if they were to come true, if the nightmares were real, there are people here who would fight off them off for you. People who care about you and love you. Just hold onto that, okay? It will get better, I promise you. It has for me, even though I still get nightmares about losing you." He says.
I listen to what he says, fully engaged. Our eyes are locked, until mine falter as he says his last words. Though I still have nightmares about losing you echoes through my mind. Does he really get nightmares about losing me? I try to hide the blush that spreads across my cheeks but it doesn't work.
He looks up at me, catching my eyes again. Josh sees my blush and looks away quickly, trying to erase a blush of his own off of his face.
The room grows silent. An awkward one, but not terribly uncomfortable. He's staring at the coffee table between us, and I'm staring at him. I don't mean to, but that's where my eyes go. I search his eyes for any emotion, but they're downcast so it's hard to tell.
He finally breaks the silence. "Why don't I make some tea?" He says, awkwardly. "Okay." I say, as if I've shrunk to the size of an ant. He get off of his chair and walks over to the kitchen, where I hear that he's getting a kettle out. I'm tempted to follow him, but decide the better of it. He probably wants to be alone, away from me and therefore away from the awkwardness.
He comes back soon, carefully carrying a tray that has two mugs of warm tea on it. He sets the platter on the coffee table and then sits down next to me on the couch. Not right next to me, but near me. As friends would.
"Jennifer... We need to talk." He says seriously. I've said before that he never calls me Jennifer, and that's true. Twice in the past two days he has, the last time being when Claudia died. This can't be good. "What's going on, Josh?" I ask a bit nervously.
"We... We need to talk about something. Something that's always been here, underlying, that's played up lately." He begins slowly. I immediately tense up, because I know what he's talking about. "I don't know exactly what it is" He says truthfully, and then continues "But I think I have an idea."
My stomach flips. "Something between us." He starts again, looking away from my eyes. "Josh..." I begin, faltering. We talked about this at the afterparty in New York. He pipes up. "I don't know if it's anything or not, but I can see it in you. Jen, you may not even realize it yet." Oh, I realize it. And I think he knows that, too. "I don't know what it is yet. I wish I did, because it would make things easier between us. Maybe, if we just talked about it..." He trails off.
"Josh... I don't know how to start. Or, quite frankly, where to start either." I say. He now looks up at me, and our eye contact resumes. "I've always... Had a crush on you. I think you know that. But I've always had Nick--" I choke back a sob. I hate Nick, and yet there's still a little piece of me who loves him and will never let him go. Josh hears me sob and his hand goes to mine. I blush, but regain my composure quickly. I continue. "-- and you've always had Claudia. I've brushed away my feelings, because I thought they were silly and childlike. But... When we, um, kissed during that interview, I, um, I felt something." I say. I'm surprised that I've actually managed to get through saying that much. Josh is now looking me in the eye. "I felt a spark. It wasn't a friendship spark, Josh, it was love. I didn't know what to think of it, and then I broke up with Nick and..." I trail off again. I can't talk about Nick. "And... Claudia..." I can't finish that sentence. We both know what's to come after that. I choke back another sob. I can't talk about Nick or Claudia. Nick is hard for me to discuss and I can't bear to talk about Claudia, it brings both of us too much pain. Him because Claudia was his girlfriend, me because I can't see him in that much pain.
One of his hands still holds mine in a comforting gesture. It feels nice to have our hands intertwined when the cameras aren't rolling.
I start to cry, and he now faces me. He begins to lightly caress my forehead, as my mother once did many years ago.
"Jen, I know. It's okay." He coos. It makes me feel a little bit better, but not by much.
After a while, I finally calm down. The tears stop flooding down my cheeks, but I don't find my voice. I just sit there, looking into his eyes and finding my own sadness reflected back in them. I also find something else in them. Another emotion, a loving one. I brush that off, because it's probably just me making up stories.
I snap out of my thoughts and realize I'm staring at him. Embarrassed, I look down. The couch's fabric is instantly very interesting.
He suddenly leans forward and kisses me. And now we're kissing. And now the spark that I once had for him has grown into a fire. A fire that courses through my veins and is more significant than a spark. A fire that doesn't die out so quickly, that will probably be with me for the rest of my life. A fire that means that I love him. And I hope he feels the same about me.