If This Was A Movie - A Joshifer Fanfiction

Chapter 19

It's been one week since my Father's death, and his last words still haunt me. Jennifer, I love you more than words can describe. Take care of Mom, for me, okay? Be strong. And then the most memorable; Be someone's flower in the midst of a snowstorm. I've been thinking about it all week. What does it mean? I'm thinking it's like my ocean scenario with the rock I hold onto, but reversed. The 'be someone's' part has stuck with me. I have to be someone's rock against the ocean currents. I would love to go back to that moment and ask my Father what he meant, but I can't. He's gone.
I still can't believe he's gone. I feel like any second now he'll just wake me up from a horrible nightmare and ask me to come fishing with him. But I can't wake up, this isn't a dream. Tears well up in my eyes, so I sit up. I was lying down on a bed in my childhood room. I'm at my parents' house in Louisville, but it doesn't feel the same without my Dad. It might never be the same. I sit up and see my room around me. As soon as I moved from Kentucky to pursue acting, my parents renovated their house. Everything is now completely different than it was when I was a kid; the house is bigger, the decor is nicer and the stains and holes in the walls are sadly no longer there. In a way, I feel nostalgic while I'm in their house. It's so different from the way I grew up but yet so similar.
The room that I stand in now is one of three that look identical; one mine, two guest rooms. The guest rooms now are both full. Josh is in one and Amanda is in the other. We've all been here a week, even through Thanksgiving. This year, it was a quiet one since my Dad just passed away. Josh stayed for it though, and Amanda did too. Josh actually invited his family to come celebrate with us, which was absolutely welcome since we've all been sad lately. There was a single candle on the center of the table for my Dad, along with flowers surrounding it. I was lucky enough to be able to blow it out... A form of a last goodbye, I guess.
I decide to get off my bed and to go do something, since all I've been doing is moping around. I walk to the dressing room that adjoins to my bedroom and begin to get ready. I remember on my way, however, that my Dad's funeral will be held today. Sighing, I open the door and leave my room in search of my stylist today; also known as my Mom. She agreed to help me get ready today instead of calling real stylists for help. She'll probably do alright, though I don't have much of a wardrobe choice around here.
As I'm walking down the hallway outside of my room, I notice that Josh is walking out of his too. He doesn't see me though, so I make an impulse decision to jump out and scare him. I silently slip off my shoes and stalk him to the end of the hallway. He's about to turn the corner when I jump out from behind him, screaming at the top of my lungs. He must've jumped at least three feet in the air. He looked extremely panicked at first but then he saw my face and started laughing. "Jen! You scared the shit out of me!" He says, sounding half humored and half terrified. "I swear I thought I was going to die there for a second." He says, laughter playing in his voice. "You jumped really high." I note, trying to stall my own laughter. It doesn't work. I reach over and kiss him on the cheek in a friendly way. Regardless, we're both left blushing. "Strange question, but have you seen my mom? She's, umm, my temporary stylist." I ask to Josh. He laughs. "I--" He begins, interrupted as my nephew Bear bounds through the hallway. I instantly shift my attention to Bear. "Oh, hello there little Bear! How are you on this fine day?" I say, in a tone of voice that can only be associated with babies. I squat down so that I'm his size. "Good!" He gets out of his toddler mouth. He then claps to himself. I smile at him; a genuine and happy smile. One that I haven't put on my face since the night I danced with Josh at my house. "You are a very good clapper!" I say, laughing. He nods very enthusiastically and continues to clap. I glance up at Josh and find him staring down at me. "Would Sir Hutcherson like to say hi to Mister Bear?" I ask, as if I were the Queen of England. Josh laughs and gazes at me, looking me in the eyes. "Of course I would." He says, kneeling down and saying hello to Bear. "Hey, I remember you! You were my kid!" He says, joking. I laugh. "Yes!" Bear says, successfully waddling into a wall. This makes me laugh even more. Josh and I share a quick glance that turns into what seems to be a staring contest. And then our laughter fades and it's just us looking into each other's eyes as Bear toddles around the hallway. I'm still gazing at him when I stand up, and he is still looking at me as well. After we've stood, I grab Bear with one arm and take Josh's hand with my other. Contact between us ignites a fire inside of me again, but I try to push it down as I walk to the living room to give Bear to Ben and Blaine. They said they'd 'coparent' today, which everyone laugh. Ben and Blaine sit together on the couch watching what looks like reruns of The Tonight Show. Theo is asleep on the opposing couch, adjacent to my brothers. I hand Bear over to Ben and walk to the kitchen, in search of my mom. "Mom?" I shout across the house. I hear a reply coming from upstairs. With Josh following me, I make my way up the stairs and to the room where I heard her voice coming from; the library. Our library isn't really a library, it's just a small room in my parents' house that's walls are covered from top to bottom in books.
Me and Josh find my mom in the library digging through boxes of photos. I see photos of me as a kid, of my dad when he was a kid... It's all here. My entire family is here in photos. "Hey, Jen. Sorry I didn't come down and get you. I'm trying to sort out these photos; by person, I mean. Any that have your Father go on a pile over here." She says, gesturing to an already overflowing pile. "Maybe you two can help me with it while I go get ready." She says, winking at me. I sigh and then nod. This may take a while, but the service isn't for another three hours so I guess we've got plenty of time.
Me and Josh look through the photos for a few hours, but Josh is easily distracted by the photos of me. Me at elementary school graduation, me at my eighth birthday party, me at Camp HiHo holding a puppy. He looks at the photos like he's never seen me before, and it's kind of funny to watch. He pauses at one of me as a teenager, acting ridiculous with a few of my friends at the time. I smile at the memory. "Jen, why do you have to be so beautiful?" He says. I blush but quickly cover it up with a laugh. "Well, thanks Joshy." I say sarcastically. "I mean it, Jen." He says, meeting my eyes. I feel warmth spreading through me as I lean over to kiss him. Just when our lips meet, though, the door bursts open. I quickly pull away from Josh and find Blaine staring at me in an accusatory way. "What exactly are you two up to in here?" He says playfully. I roll my eyes. "Mom asked us to sort these photos... So that's what we're doing." I say, gesturing to the photos. "Then why were you two kissing? Hm?" He asks, pretending to interrogate me. "I... Umm... We weren't!" I say defensively. I glance up and find that Blaine is smirking at me. "Anyway, Mom asked you to come downstairs, Jen. She's ready to help you." He says, his demeanor shifting from playful to serious. I nod. "Do hurry, though, lovebirds." He says as he walks away. I groan. "Sorry about him." I say to Josh as we start to put away the remaining photos that don't contain my Father. "He's, well, a brother." Josh laughs. "I know, Jen. I have a brother too." He says comically.
We finish putting away the photos and make our way downstairs. We're approaching the stairs when Josh suddenly picks me up, potato sack style. I scream. "Joshy! Put me down!" I yell, laughing. He doesn't, he just starts to laugh too. He carries me to the bottom of the stairs and through the house, all the way to the kitchen where my Mom waits for me. By this time, he's out of breath and I'm nearly dead of laughter. He finally puts me down once we're in the kitchen, where my mom is washing dishes. "Damn it, Joshy! You scared me!" I say, laughter filtrating my voice. I playfully punch him, and my mom glances over and gazes at us together. She stays like this for a few long moments and then turns away to wipe her wet hands on the kitchen towel. I'm still smiling as Josh reaches for my hand, and I take his.
My Mom turns back around, facing us, and says just what I thought she would. "You ready to be styled?" She asks, joking. I'm really not, though. I want to stay here with Josh and hold his hand forever. I want to kiss him, too. I want him to embrace me like he did the day that Claudia died, I want to have a life with him... I want to-- Jen, get it together! What the hell are you thinking? I mentally scold myself. So, instead of saying no, I nod my head to my Mom's offer. I realize that I've been staring at Josh the entire time and look away, embarrassed.
My Mom follows me back to my room, closing and locking the door behind her. I walk back into my dressing room, my mother still on my heels. "Mom, what's going on? You're acting strange today." I say, narrowing my eyes. She sighs. "It's nothing, honey." She says, avoiding my eyes. I know that she's lying but I don't have the heart to say it.
I quickly dig through my suitcase in search of a black dress. I find one that is entirely black and fitted, it's simple but it's good for a funeral. It has long sleeves made of lace. I change into it quickly and then present myself to my mom to do my makeup. She's pretty good at it.
Silence falls over the room as she does my makeup. My eyes are closed, so all I feel is tickling on my face. The silence lasts a few minutes before my Mom breaks it. "Jen... I have to ask this, so don't kill me." She says nervously. I nod, but then still myself when I remember that she's trying to do my makeup. "What's going on between you and Josh?" She says. I can hear her smile in her voice. I hope the makeup covers the blush spreading across my cheeks. "We're boyfriend and girlfriend." I say. "I know that, but... Jen, I see the way you look at him." She says, almost in awe. She pauses. "You love him. I know you do. He's like your other half." She continues thoughtfully. I don't know what to say to this. She's right. "Mom... I... I know. I know that I love him. I hope he feels the same about me." I say, pausing to open my eyes and look at her. "I wish I could be with him for the rest of my life." I say, wistfully. Her eyes seem to sparkle when she looks back at me, and then they glaze over with tears. "I know how you feel and I have every single day in my life. With your father. I was so in love with him, Jen. I still am. But now he's gone and..." She trails off, tears streaming down her face. I reach over and embrace her. I now imagine what it'd be like if I was in her position; Josh had died a week earlier and I had to be strong for an entire family. Tears are coming to my eyes. I can't believe she's still here for us, functioning for our family. It's in that moment that I appreciate my mother more than I ever have before. She's gone through hell and back so many times in her life and yet she's still here, supporting me. "Mom, I can't imagine how you feel..." I say. I pull away from our embrace to look her in the eyes. "I'm so sorry, Mom. I love you." I say, and I mean it. "I love you too, Jennifer." She says, and then pauses. "Now, let's get your makeup finished before we cry so much that both of our faces will be smudged." She says, the corners of her lips slowly turning up into a smile. I close my eyes again as she applies eyeshadow and mascara, and then I'm done. As I look in the mirror, I see someone completely different than who I've known myself to be. I look like a strong and confident young woman. I'm not wearing as much makeup as I thought I would be, but it's not just my looks that have changed. It's how I feel. And even though I'm the saddest that I've been in my life, I feel stronger and more confident than I ever have before.

Authors note:
GUYS! 2K READS OMG! Thank you so much! ❤️ that honestly means the world to me, and thank you for all of the amazing comments and feedback. You guys honestly make my day 💕
Sorry for possibly murdering your heart in the past few chapters 😅 bear with me 🌚🐻