-1X
I awoke before my alarm went off like always, so I reached up and switched the switch so it wasn't set anymore. I turned on my phone, and put in my password, about to go onto Facebook, but my hand stops. I stop, and remember what happened yesterday.
I just lost my best friend.
The remembrance was triggered by my password, which happens to also be hers. The last day starts going on a terrifying reply continually in my mind.
I just lost my best friend.
I just lost the only person Ive ever loved. I just lost my rock. My Charlie, were done. Over. I lost her...
Tears started forming in my eyes. I blinked them away, knowing that if I started I wouldn't be able to stop. I had to get up soon, I couldn't cry now.
I tried blocking out all of my emotions as I sat up in bed, going on social media to wake me up. I never do grieve properly. Back when some of my relatives died, I kept my mind off them, blocking out the pain so I wouldn't cry. But it just made the pain last for so long. I still get sad to this day when I think about them.
I pulled myself together and climbed out of bed. First dragging myself down the stairs, then remember "Oh, the mask." and put on a fake okay face. Kinda getting good at these...
Devotions were weird, I fell asleep, and everyone started leaving, so I got up. I grabbed the railing as I walked up the stairs, I usually did this. Just this time I was leaning on it.
Best friend. Gone. Kill me now.
I climbed into bed, pulling the covers over me, and falling asleep.
I'm never leaving this bed.
About an hour and a half later my mom calls me. I groan, and for a second, forget I lost my best friend, but in a flash it all comes back in a whirlwind of painful thoughts and memories, so I just stay in bed.
There's no point. I lost everything.
Tears start to form in my eyes as I give up on blocking everything out. And I know my mom will come in any minute, I'm supposed to be doing school. I held my breath as I hear her come up the stairs, calling my name again. I stay silent, trying to control my breathing, I know she's gonna ask why I'm crying. My heart races, and I hold on tighter to the stuffed animal I'd been crying into, the one I always cry into. (Yes I still sleep with stuffed animals, they're comfy.) My mom enters the room and asks what I predicted, and I tell her I had a fight with Charlie. I wasn't gonna go and say "Oh, well Charlie and I made a fake boyfriend for her to make a guy jealous and Dawn found out he's fake so she got mad." The reason she got mad at me before is because I told Dawn, even though she already knew. And in my defence, it's because I felt bad about lying... But it was trolling, Dawn doesn't understand trolling. Which is why she reacted badly.
Now it was after school time. The whole day had gone by in a teary haze, every few minutes something would remind me of her and I would burst into tears.
It was almost leaving time for my family to go to the gym. I pulled my mom aside, to talk to her.
"Mom, can I stay behind and walk over to Charlies to apologize?" I ask. "I'll do homework until then." I say, to sweeten the deal. (It doesn't help that Charlie is my neighbour and I can see her house from mine.)
She looks at me skeptically. "You'll really do your homework?" She asks.
I nod my head. "Yes, until I go over to her house." I reply. My mom thinks for a few moments, and I'm just trying not to cry so badly that she can't understand what I'm saying, I've been crying for almost an hour now.
"Fine, but I want you home at 5:30 sharp were having..." She continued to tell me what we were having for dinner, and gave me instructions for turning it on or something. I was just ecstatic that I got to go over and talk to her. I knew as soon as I talked to her she would understand, and would not be mad at me anymore, or at least I had to hope so. Then I could fix things with Hudsyn, the first one I had a fight with. I didn't really want to fix things with Hydson until after, because all the Hydson fight pain, was mixing with the Charlie fight pain, so much so that I couldn't focus on anything except pain, unless I blocked it out, which was tiring. I'm so tired.
