january 4,2002
tatum
well it's the first day back to school without him, 7 days since he left, and 39 days since i've seen or spoke to him. it's so hard, but if i didn't have marissa i'd probably be going crazy. i haven't uttered a single sound of his name, and it's killing me inside.
i ended up forgiving nate, because i already lost my bestfriend, i couldn't loose my brother too. he lets me hang out with his friends so, i'm not all alone...
i mean i have marissa, but when she has to watch her little brother while her mom and dad work, we can't always hang out as planned.
i walk into school and immediately I feel out of place. all i have to do is get through this day and go home and beg my parents to move me to NYC. it's worth a shot.
~~~
today wasn't as bad as it felt in the first couple minutes. i was walking home and it felt lonely with you him but i need to get over it. he's not coming back. he doesn't need you. he's better without you.
once i got home, i ran up to my room before anyone can see the tears. in my room i rummaged through all of my things that he gave me, or that we did together. i grabbed a box from my walkin closet and threw everything he every gave me in it. (above)
i sat down and wrote a contract to myself.
"i, tatum travis will never touch, or look at theses items ever. it will only cause heartbreak and sadness. these memories will forever be gone. i will put these items on the top shelf in my walkin closet and never take them down. the only time they come off the shelf is if i see him again." i wrote
and with that i made a copy of the letter and taped it to the box with all of the memories from him.
"nate!" i yelled to him
"yeah - woah. where'd all your things go?" he asked
"that's not the problem, can you put this on the highest shelf in my walkin closet all the way in the back?" i asked politely
he just looked at me and moved towards the box and opened it. his face was shocked. he looked back and me and gave me a sad smile, but worked his way towards my closet.
once he was done he gave me a genuine hug. i broke. i collapsed in my brothers arms and cried while he comforted me.
this boy brings out the worst in me
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