Addicted to Heartache

Chapter 3 Part 2: Lakehouse

"What are you so afraid of?"
Sam asked as he drove my car down the road. We were going to his parents lake house about 30 miles upstate just to sit on the water and  try to relax a little.
"What?"
I looked over at him, confused.
"What could possibly scare you so badly that you keep yourself in bad situations? Are you scared of him hurting you if you leave? What is it?"
I quickly realized he was once again talking about Lucas.
I cleared my throat and blinked a few times trying to think.
"Uh, I guess I just really love him a lot and I made promises to him that I don't want to break."
Sam looked over at me.
I tried to look as sincere as possible.
He scoffed and turned away.
"What?"
Sam laughed a little.
"Nothing."
We pulled in at his parents lake house and got out.
"Watch your step."
As soon as Sam said that I stumbled on some loose stones.
"Here take my hand."
Sam grabbed my hand in his.
His palm was soft but tense and his fingers grasped mine tightly. I followed him down to the pier.
"Do you come here often?"
Sam shook his head.
"Not since my real dad passed away when I was little. My mom can't stand to see the place now. Brings back too many memories of him I guess."
I didn't want to make Sam upset again so I left the subject of his father's death for another day.
We sat on the pier, dangling our feet so that they were just barely skimming the water's surface.
I rested my head on his shoulder as we gazed across the dark blue rippling mass ahead of us.
The silence was intimidating, even with our hands still intertwined.
I decided to break the silence barrier between us.
"I'm scared of not being loved by anyone else."
I felt Sam's head turn downward as he looked at me and furrowed his eyebrows.
"What?"
"You asked me what I'm scared of.  I'm scared of not being loved by anyone else. The fight for him is all I've ever known. He's my first love, hell- he's my first everything and I'm worried if I leave I'll never have that again. As bad as he gets sometimes, he's the only thing keeping me sane. We've been through it all together. And I don't want to be that girl that leaves when the going gets tough. I made promises to him Sam and I can't stand to break them even though he's broken every single one he made to me."
I could feel myself beginning to tear up so I made sure to blink quickly, pushing the tears back into my eyes. 
Sam tightened his grip on my hand.
"You have nothing to be scared of anymore"

I didn't know what else to say. I didn't want to talk anymore. I nuzzled my head back in closer, this time to his chest. I didn't know if he meant he loved me or if Lucas could no longer hurt me. Either way I felt a small sense of comfort and protection drift over me. We sat in silence looking out across the water for about ten minutes until the sun started heating up the air.
"Wanna go inside?"
I nodded and sat up, making sure to fix my hair . I stood and followed Sam to the small, trailer like house. It was actually very cozy on the inside. Filled with family photos and niknaks. I looked around for a bit while Sam went in the kitchen. I picked up a frame surrounding a picture of a roughly three year old Sam, his mother, and his father. He looked just like him. I couldn't help but wonder what happened.
"Want anything to drink? Got loads of alcohol in here"
I peeked in the fridge and saw Mikes Hard, my favorite.
"Get me one of those please,"
Sam grabbed me one and grabbed himself a water. I sat next to him on the couch, wrapping one leg under me and the other over his.
I opened my drink.
"You didn't want one?"
Sam laughed and shook his head.
"Hell no. Im not drinking again after what happened."
I smiled gently at Sam. I was really proud of him. He was such a great person. I reached for his hand that was resting in my lap and took it in mine.
"I'm so so so SO thankful for you." 
He blushed and looked away. I used my fingers to turn his head back towards me.
"for real! You have no idea the things you've done for me."
Sam smiled softly as his eyes scanned over my face. Their gaze stopping on my lips.
"Good." 
I grinned gently and leaned in closer, knowing what he wanted.
Sam's hand moved from its resting place on my knee all the way up to my face. His fingertips tracing my curves. I parted my lips slightly as he pulled my face in to his until our lips met. His lips were soft but I could still feel the tension in his body as the kiss intensified.
Sam's right hand grasped the back of my neck while his left held my waist. He pulled me down as he repositioned himself until the back of my head rested on the arm of the sofa. I pulled away from the kiss uncomfortably.
"What's wrong?"
I didn't want to make Sam feel bad. Plus I wanted to forget about Lucas completely for the time being.
"Nothing."
I faked a smile pulled him back into another kiss.
Things started to get heated but I forced myself to be okay with it.
Sam laid on top of me, our breathing was in sync and our bodies moved together. I could feel him through his jeans pressing against me and I began to get butterflies in my stomach. 
His hand went from rubbing my butt to massaging through the front of my yoga pants.
"You okay?"
He breathed heavily into my neck.
I nodded, draping my wrist over the nape of his neck.
"You sure you wanna do this?"
He asked, this time while pushing my right leg up into an almost giving birth position. His fingertips made their way to the top of my pants and I felt my stomach flutter unbearingly, causing my back to arch.
My lips trembled and I couldn't think clearly because of all the emotions running through my mind and body.
I moved my mouth but no words seemed to form. Eventually I forced my lips to murmer out a single word.
"Yes."