A Story Told, But Never Really Heard

Absolutely.

It was a warm Tuesday morning,
The third, I believe.

I couldn't stand to be there,
Yet I never wanted to leave.

I hated every minute of it;
The clothes, the fear, the emptiness.

The feeling that there was always something missing.
A missing puzzle piece inside.

I never really understood it,
The nagging feeling.

The small spark reaching,
Crawling up from within.
Bringing hope and...
Happiness.

As soon as I saw him,
That small little spark,
Shone brighter with each passing day.

I tried and tried.
For years I tried.
To deny this spark the chance to shine.

It didn't need to be given that chance.
It needed to be buried far away
In the darkness that's inside.

It was a misguided spark,
One without logic or reason.
Without safety or plausibility.

It could never happen,
Therefore it was to be ignored.

And it was.
Well.

Month after month,
I pushed and pushed.

My internal fight to snuff the spark
Showing through my external reactions.

The anger and frustration from within
Seeping out like a plague.
Clouding my every thought and action.

He intrigued me.
Somehow convinced me
There could be more than emptiness.

More than hatred.
More than just acting as expected by society.

He resonated curiosity and safety.
He showed anger and hatred.

He never looked twice.
Never showed care of my existence.

I hurt him.
Made his life miserable.

I was dying inside.
I wanted to know him;
All of him.

Not just who he thought he was.
I wanted to pull him apart.
Figure out every piece that made him who he is.
And I wanted to put him back together.
But replace the pain inside with happiness.

I couldn't understand why I was compelled to get to know him.
Or why I cared without reason.

Why I could never get him out of my head.
Never allowing to think of him,
But he was always there,
No matter how hard I fought.

I changed my life.
Tried to insert someone who I cared not for,
In attempts to snuff out the spark altogether.

To my surprise, it did the impossible.
The spark only grew.

It hurt like crazy,
And nearly drove me mad,
But every second spent with anyone else
Only left me wishing it was with him.

Does this sound obsessive?
Most definitely.
Does it sound absolutely crazy?
Positively.
Have I loved him wothout knowing since the day we met?
Absolutely.