Diary of a Messed Up Teenager

Quote

I was reading a book on wattpad, "Suicidal Quotes", it's in Spanish, yet a particular one grabbed my attention, as it reminds me of the relationship I had with a guy two years ago, being honest I don't like to talk about him, but here we go:

"Remember when you used to talk to me all the time? Because I remember it, it's a beautiful memory that torments me.

Remember when I talked to this other guy and you got jealous? Because I remember it, that day I knew I mattered to you, that day I smiled.

You haven't forgotten when we hugged each other, have you? Because I'll never forget. That day I could feel so much love in that arm, too much it hurt.

Remember when you told me you loved me? Because that day will always be in my memory. You don't know how much I curse the fact I ran away, without ever giving you an answer.

Remember when you promised you would save me? I remember it. I told you you would get tired of me. And you only said it would never happen.

Remember when you saw my cuts, bruises, and scars? Disappointment. That described your expression perfectly. You started rubbing them, kissing them. You promised that you would make me smile. You said I would never need to cut again.

Remember when you promised me an "ever after"? I smiled. But I didn't want to believe you. Ever after lasts never after. That I knew from word and experience. However, I trusted you.

Remember when she came? I wish I didn't. But I can't forget it. Because that day I lost you.

You only talked to her.

And you started hugging her the same way you used to hug me.

You made her jealous, the same way you made me jealous.

You started loving her. Loving her more than me. And that was noticeable. And that hurt me.

But you never promised to help her. She didn't need help. And maybe that's what made you choose her.

Remember when a month had already gone by? And you didn't remember me.

Unlike what everyone believed, it didn't hurt that you loved her.

The fact that hurt was the fact that you stopped loving me. Because it could be felt. Your hugs were now forced. Almost to be extinguished.

Remember when you started dating her? I remember it. You don't know how much I spent crying. Cutting all across my body.

The fact that you were with her didn't hurt.

It was the fact that you lied.

You never loved me. Or at least that's what you made me believe.

And it happened, you never saved me. You were tired of helping me. You got tired of me.

Cutting, once again, became the only thing that helped me. The thing that helped me 'smile'. And I was cutting for you. You, who promised that I wouldn't need it again.

The worse thing I could do was trust in an ever after, knowing that an ever after never existed.

Anyway, I don't blame you. After all, I guess I understand you.

She's prettier. Thinner. More intelligent. More fun.

Being honest, I wouldn't choose me either."
       —Suicide (Frases Suicidas)
               By: Boss_Holmes

Update September 2016: Not really saying anything since it didn't come from my mind.

This was posted on January 11, 2016.