Funny quotes and comebacks

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Chapter 1 female comebacks:

Me and a friend used at least six of these on some people and laughed so hard. Actually she did. I felt guilty when one kid looked like he was about to break down so I gave him a hug. Apparently he was dared to hit on me (-_-') meaners... But now me, him, and her are BFFs so all is good (^∇^) oh and some of these are from online too.

Man: Where have you been all my life? 

Woman: Hiding from you.

Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before? 

Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.

Man: Is this seat empty? 

Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.

Man: Your place or mine? 

Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.

Man: So, what do you do for a living? 

Woman: I'm a female impersonator.

Man: Hey baby, what's your sign? 

Woman: Do not enter.

Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning? 

Woman: Unfertilized.

Man: Your body is like a temple. 

Woman: Sorry, there are no services today

Man: I would go to the end of the world for you. 

Woman: But would you stay there?

Man: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy. 

Woman: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

Man: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put u and i together 

Woman: Really, I'd put f and u together

Man: there's something wrong with your phone... My numbers not in it 

Woman: sorry AT&T has a no idiots number policy

Man: hey baby what's your number 

Woman: it's 612-REJECTION-HOTLINE

I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.

Man: "I'd go through anything for you." 

Woman: "Good! Let's start with your bank account. Then the door."

Man: "I want to give myself to you" 

Woman: "Sorry I don't accept cheap gifts."

It's a good thing I have my library card, because I'm checking you out. 

Oh, sorry, I'm reserved for someone else.

Can I get your number? 

My number? Which one do you want? 

How many numbers you got? 

Oh, I got numbers comin' outta my ears. For instance: ten. 

Ten? 

Yeah. That's how many months old my baby girl is. 

You got a little girl? 

Yeah. Yeah, sexy, huh? How 'bout this for a number? Six. That's how old my other daughter is, eight is the age of my son, two is how many times I've been married - and divorced; sixteen is the number of dollars I have in my bank account. 850-3943. That's my phone number, and with all the numbers I gave you, I'm guessing zero is the number of times you're gonna call it! 

A/N: the next chapter will be madea so stay tuned!

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