I've gotta right my wrongs
With you is where I belong
camila
I was a little surprised that Lani called me asking to meet up and talk... and that fact that it's one in the morning. She told me to meet her at the park, where we used to meet up when we dated.
I saw her sitting on the bench, waiting for me I guess. I took a deep breath and slowly approached her. "Hi."
"Hi." She greeted back.
I took a seat next to her and kept staring at her. My heart is beating really hard right now, oh god. I took in her features, I could tell she's been drinking but theres this sad look on her face... I frowned.
"Thanks for coming." She said quietly.
I nodded, "no problem."
She sighed, "So um, sorry about that phone call earlier. I was a little drunk and I had a lot on my mind."
"Like what?" I asked.
"You." She turned her head to look me directly in the eyes.
I swore my heart stopped. She's been thinking about me? Good or bad? Holy shit. Holy holy holy shit. Get it together Camila. "What about me?" I coughed. Wow, nice going.
"Us." She said. What's with these one word answers?
"I'm kinda gonna need you to elaborate Kehlani." I laughed, but inside I'm a total mess.
She shrugged. "I don't know..." There was a silence before she spoke up. "Does Dinah know you're here?"
I shook my head no. She sighed and pulled her jacket around her tighter. I didn't realize how cold it was until now. We still didn't say anything. She wanted to talk and now she's not talking.
"Kehlani, why'd you call me here?" I asked.
"I feel like I have unsaid words from when we broke up." She shrugged. "Do you know how bad you hurt me?"
I frowned, dropping my head slowly shaking it. But now I'm starting to.
"You hurt me really bad Mila." I could feel her looking at me.
"I'm sorry." I whispered.
"I know," Kehlani nodded. "I've heard it all before."
I kept my head down, feeling guilt wash over me all over again. I never wanted to hurt Kehlani- ever. And now here I am- two years later, still hurting her.
"Why'd you do it?" I heard her ask.
I looked up at her, "what?"
"Why'd you cheat on me with Dinah? Was I not enough? Did you not love me anymore?" Tears formed in her eyes.
"No, no, no." I replied quickly shook my head and grabbed her hand. "I-"
"Then what was it?" She basically yelled at me.
I sighed, looking down at the concrete again. "I don't know... I was stupid. I guess I fell in love with the thought of it being forbidden." I looked back at her face. "The fact that it was dangerous to be with her, knowing there's a possibility I could lose you. But then I realized I was in love with the feeling more than her."
Kehlani just nodded even though I knew she didn't fully understand. I didn't even fully understand.
"I really am sorry and I know sorry doesn't really fix anything, but I wish I could take everything back." I watched her, she won't even make eye contact with me anymore. I sighed, running my fingers through my hair.
"Do you still love me?" I asked her.
"I don't know Camila. I'm trying to figure out my feelings right now."
"What do you mean?"
"What I mean," she yelled, standing up making sure to face me but she was a few feet away. "I've spent two years trying to get over you- I thought I did! But no, I had to go to that stupid dinner and face you again. I thought I was done with you, but no; here you come, back in my life, fucking it up." She exclaimed using various random hand gestures. "Why can't life just be easy?"
"Because it's not." I stood up with her. I took her hands in mine. It was dark out, but the moon shined on her caramel skin perfectly. "Life is complicated for you and me both, but that just how it goes. You make decisions and somehow it changes your whole entire world..." I have no idea where I was going with this so I'm just gonna get straight to the point. "Kehlani, I love you. You don't need anyone else but me. I'm an idiot but I'm your idiot... I know I screwed things up in the past, but please give me another chance to fix things." The look on Lani's face was unreadable. I thought she was about to open her mouth to say something... but just like that...
she took off.
