She Was The 0.007%

Days After Surgery: 7

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Audrey had been dead for a week, and each day became uneventful. I laid in my bed, protecting myself from the pain of the world as I stared at the ceiling, searching for shapes and constellations in the sponge patterns that spotted the surface hovering above me.

I refused to fill my mind with any thought, fearing that I would be swallowed by my sadness as I had in the moments leading up to right now. I didn't want to get up, I didn't want to live.

Immediately after Audrey's death, I had grieved. But now everything is just numb, like the world had come to an abrupt halt.

The thing is, I have to get up. Audrey would want me to go on without her. She would want me to move on, no matter how painful it is.

Slowly, I pulled the large, neon comforter off of my body and sat up, forcing myself to leave the house today.

As I strode into the small, green bathroom, my feet softly padded across the hexagonal tiles beneath me. I reached into the porcelain bathtub and turned on the water, determined to relax and wash away the week's events.

I set up the speaker that sat on the counter next to the marble sink and played peaceful, acoustic music. Once the tub was full, I poured a rose scented bubble formula into the water and lit the mint candle that sat on the edge.

Shutting the door and dimming the lights, I stripped from my pajamas, tied my hair up and carefully slipped into the tub.

Letting out a deep sigh, I closed my eyes, succumbing to my thoughts. Every moment that I had spent with Audrey in the past month came flooding into my mind, but they were peaceful memories.

Sleepovers where we just sat around and talked about the day's events while she carefully ran her delicate fingers through my scalp, helping me unwind and get my mind off of the day's stress.

Pacing back and forth with her in her basement as I tried to calm her down if she had a panic attack.

Listening to her babble nonstop about a date that she and Corey had gone on. Making dinner with her and her family. Riding on bikes to her neighborhood pool everyday during the summertime. Mouthing along with the teacher's lectures, attempting to make each other giggle from separate sides of the classroom.

Sitting there, I couldn't help but smile. When I thought of Audrey, I didn't immediately think of big things that we had done together, like throwing her surprise thirteenth birthday party.

Instead, I thought of all of the little things that we had done together that helped to shape her into such an incredible person. But if she was such an incredible person, why would the universe rip her away from me?

What could she have possibly done to piss off God so much that He took her life? Or was God punishing me? I needed answers.

Pushing myself out of the tub, I drained the water and blew out the candle. Once I had dried off, I turned off the speaker and rushed into my room.

I dug through my dresser drawers and pulled out a pair of black skinny jeans that were ripped at the knees and grabbed a burgundy oversized sweater.

Throwing the outfit on, I hopped in front of the mirror and fixed my hair into a more presentable bun. I zoomed out of my bedroom and down the staircase. Grabbing my phone out of the basket that sat at the bottom of the stairs, I dialed Corey's phone number.

"Hey, Corey. Do you mind giving me a lift?" I asked, bouncing up and down on my toes anxiously.

"Uh, yeah, sure Karebear. Where did you have in mind?" Corey responded in raspy voice, indicating that my call had woken him up.