Wanting What I Can't Have // Rihanna & Nicki Minaj

CHAPTER xii

Robyn's POV

There were a bunch of people in my house and I couldn't even enjoy the party atmosphere because I was so wrapped up in my own thoughts.

"Rih, wanna head upstairs to your room?"

"Honestly ya got about two seconds to get da fuck out my face," I snarled at the girl who was bold enough to approach me when I clearly didn't care to be bothered.

"Fine, damn."

"Matter fact get da fuck out my house," I grabbed her by her arm and dragged her to the door before pushing her outside and causing her to stumble to the ground.

"Hey you can't be roughing up my friend like that!"

"Who the fu--"

Kehlani cut me off, holding me back, "Hoe don't even play yourself like that. Just get you and your homegirl's shit and leave. I ain't gonna hold her back if she start swinging."

The girl huffed before grabbing her and her friend's purses and stomping outside. I plopped back down on the couch and Kehlani sat with me.

"You gonna tell me what the hell's been wrong with you?"

"Nothing's wrong except the fact that I'm hella sober," I mumbled not looking her in the eyes.

"So you really gonna let me go back to The Bay without telling me why you being such a lil' bitch? And here I was thinking I was yo' favorite step-cousin and shit," she mugged me playfully.

I laughed before telling her lets head outside to the balcony in my room that overlooked the pool in the backyard.

"So wassup?" she lit the blunt that was behind her ear and inhaled, coughing like crazy before passing it to me. I did the same, nearly choking on the smoke.

"That's some good shit."

"You know I only fuck with Kush from Cali," she grinned widely, "but c'mon tell me, Rih."

"You remember that girl from that last party?" she nodded letting me know I could continue.

"Well... I don't know, 'Lani. She has me all messed up in da head, and dis ain't ever happen before. I been avoiding her like yo ass avoid work and she ain't even checkin' for me. She ain't chasin' me or blowin' up my phone. And dats what I thought I wanted... To cut ties with her because she wanted too much, but... I'm not happy."

"Sounds to me like you like her but you got this 'I don't give a fuck' attitude and she ain't the one to play these games like all these hoes you got sniffing all up behind you. What's stopping you from talking to her?"

"I... I don't know, I just can't. What if..."

"What if what, Rih?"

I shook my head reaching for the rolled up Backwood.

"What if I ain't good enough for her? What if... What if she falls for me and I hurt her?" my voice started to shake, "I can't do that to her... I can't," I quickly wiped at the tears that had fallen on my cheeks.

Kehlani pulled me into her chest, wrapping her tattooed arms around me.

"Robyn listen to me, you're good enough. She obviously thought you were good enough, and you put up this big and bad front but you're hands down one of the sweetest people I know."

"Don't lie to make me feel better, 'Lani."

"All these years we've known each other and have I ever not told you how it is?"