Keeping The Pieces

Chapter 9

Chapter 9

As it turns out life isn't as easy as they make it in the movies, it isn't just mildly awkward when Alex walks me to Claire's car and he doesn't see some random girl and realise he's been in love with her all along and forget about me. Even though that last thought makes me queasy it would be better than this.

He stays in stride with me all the way, it is so tense you could cut the air around us with a knife. I never really liked that expression but I think it is fits perfectly with what the mood is like now. I can see the way his shoulders are still stiff after I answered his question and his fists are clenched so tight like he's trying really hard not to hit something.

He takes me all the way to Claire's passenger side door the same as he has done for the past two weeks but as I go to open the door he puts his hand there. I turn around to see what he wants and I'm shocked at how close he is. My nose almost touches his chest. I want to take a step back but the car is behind me so I look up at him hoping to get away from him sooner rather than later.

That thought instantly vanishes as I look up into his green eyes, all I want is for him to lean forward and kiss me. I wonder if it would be beautiful and sweet like in the movies or awkward and disgusting like some other people have described it when they were like fourteen.

He lets out a breath that send goose bumps trailing down my neck. I suck in a breath and hold it. My heart starts racing uncontrollably from the distance between us. "We can still be friends and everything can go back to normal if you want?" I can see he's still hinting at the date but I just smile and tell him I want everything back to normal, somehow I know I will regret this.

I watch him walk away before getting into the car where Claire is staring at me. "What?" I ask.

She lets out a weird girly giggle of excitement "He was about to kiss you or wanted to, I bet if I wasn't there he totally would have!"

"Yeah maybe." I say slightly wishing he would have done.

"What you're not even going to fight me on this?" She asks incredulously.

"Nope!" I make my answer clipped.

"What do you mean nope? You always fight me when I say this sort of thing!"

"I'm not arguing because he asked me out on a date and I don't think he would ask me out on a date if he didn't want to kiss me!" I say trying to hide excitement in my voice.

Claire is squealing now in excitement "Okay we need to find a way to sneak you out the house without the neighbour seeing you and I've got the perfect dress for you to wear!" She's so excited now she's started doing a happy dance she hasn't done since she was twelve.

I almost can't bare to tell her the news "Claire stop for a moment" She looks at me in confusion at my sad face "You don't need to do all that because I'm not going on a date with Alex, I told him I couldn't"

All of the happiness drains into a puddle on the floor and is replaced with a sad expression "I'm so sorry Luz!" She knows I really liked him but wasn't about to risk anymore of Eva's safety by sneaking out for Alex or risking Helen seeing how happy I would be with Alex.

"It's fine, it doesn't matter anyway" I say plastering on a fake smile.

Claire just shakes her head knowing I'm not fine but doesn't say anything knowing I don't want to be consoled no matter how I feel. Claire knows I hate being vulnerable as it is my greatest weakness, if I'm not strong Helen and Cyrus can get inside my head hurt me like most people can't, use Eva against me.

They've done it many of times, saying they would hurt her like they hurt me if anyone finds out what they do or if I don't do what they say. I've never told anyone about this, not Claire or even Eva because I know Eva would end up trying to take the full blow for me like she did last night.