Keeping The Pieces

Chapter 36

Chapter 36

(Music in the external link!)

I wake up gasping for breath, and the panic sets in, where am I? Why can't I see? How did I get here? I struggle against the cocoon around me and finally my face breaks free. It was only the blanket submerging me and I'm in Claire's room, only no one else is here. The question of how I got here still remains but I brush that aside for the moment.

I roll of the bed with a thump and untangle myself from the sheets, the cold room greets me but it feels good against my warm skin. I'm still in my dress so I pull on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt from my bag before heading downstairs. Reaching the bottom, the sound of pots clanging together comes from the kitchen, confused I go to investigate. When I see Claire washing vegetables I realise it must be dinner time but how did it get so late? Did I sleep in for that long?

"Finally you're awake, I was worried." I jump hearing Claire's voice.

"What happened?" I mumble taking a seat.

"I don't know really, we read the last bit of that diary and you just blacked out." She explains scrunching up her eyebrows, trying to figure out what happened herself.

I gasp and hold my heart, I remember what it said. I remember what happened last night and when my father died. I remember cleaning up the blood and the metallic stench, and the screams as Helen told me to hurry up. I remember how my dad fell to the floor without so much as a chance of survival, even if he did survive the hit to the head Helen would have made sure he was finished off anyway.

I feel tears dripping down the side of my face but I can't find the strength to brush them away, I shouldn't be mourning now, not when I couldn't remember my own fathers death, not when I could have told someone and got Eva out of there sooner. I was solely to blame and I couldn't change that, I should have told my dad what was happen, what she was doing to me, but I was too weak, to scared. This would have been over by now, dad wouldn't have been dead and Eva wouldn't have to suffer.

Claire's strong arms wrap around me and I let he comfort me, I let her comb her hands through my hair in reassurance that none of it was my fault but it doesn't work. I doesn't change what I could have prevented. I feel Claire shaking me as massive sobs rack through my body but I don't respond, I can't; I can't face the looks of pity they'll give me and how they'll try to tell me its not my fault, I can't watch as they lie to my face.

"Luz!" Her voice breaks through but all I do is stare at her, she doesn't understand.

"Luz. I know you're upset, I get that, but it's not your fault. You were only a little kid, you couldn't have done anything, Helen is a twisted woman and you couldn't stop her from hurting anyone. She only cares about herself and if you would have tried to prevent what happened and you would be dead." I go to protest but she stops me, "and no, you wouldn't be better of dead, you are alive for a reason and without you, Eva would have to go through this on her own and don't think that Helen would hold back just because she's a kid, you know she wouldn't."

Now I notice the small tears that have worked their way down her cheeks, now I can see what I'm doing to her. I let something like this get the best of me and it hurt her, it made her cry. I can't think this way, I need to be strong; I can't let Helen wear me down or let her take what's left in me. She's already winning but this could be what brings her down for good, this could stop the pain she's causes Eva and I.

"I'm so sorry." I manage to choke out, "you're always there for me and I'm never there for you."

"You are there for me, you just don't see it. You help me when I'm feeling down and you always make me laugh." She admits softly.