Pure Torture: a Hunger Games Fanfiction

Chapter 90

Katniss

"And at once, I knew I was not magnificent, hulled far from the highway aisle." -Bon Iver

"Well, you two never seem to disappoint!" Doctor Lucia says, smiling. She comes over to the exam table I sit on and gives me a hug and then proceeds over to Peeta. When she sits back down she sighs happily.

"This time everything was... Planned? You both wanted this?" She asks.
"Yes." Peeta says.
"Katniss?" She asks.
I feel like I'm freezing up. What do I say now? I know I wanted this baby. Peeta knows I wanted this baby... But I can't put it into words. And even if I could, it wouldn't come out. It's like there's something blocking it. The connection isn't happening to get the thought from my head to my mouth.

"Katniss?" Doctor Lucia asks again when I don't answer.
I nod as confirmation for her question.
"Katniss, are you alright?" Peeta asks quietly.
I don't know why I can't talk all of a sudden. It makes no sense to me. I was just fine a minute ago.

"Does this have to do with anything regarding the baby?" Doctor Lucia asks Peeta.
I answer for him by shaking my head no.
"Katniss? Can you talk? Can you put something into words?" She asks.
I shake my head no again. No. I can't. And I don't know why.

"Just try to talk. Can you do that for me?" She asks, standing up.
I open and shut my mouth numbly, as if sheer will could make the words come out. I make a noise that I want so desperately to be a word or something coherent, but it just sounds like nothing.
"Is she alright?" Peeta asks Doctor Lucia. But Peeta doesn't need to ask. He would be the first to know if something was wrong.

And I think he knows there is.
"What's happening to her?" He asks. I grab his hand gently to try to calm him down, showing him that other than the fact that I can't talk, I'm okay.  He and I make eye contact and I give him a look that tells him to calm down.

"I'm not sure." Says Doctor Lucia.
"What do we do?" Peeta asks.
"I want to keep her here just in case. At least until she gets back to normal... Have you noticed anything different in her behavior? Anything out of the ordinary?" Doctor Lucia asks. Peeta opens his mouth to speak and I grab his arm to stop him. I give him a look suggesting that if he says a thing, I'll kill him with my own bare hands.

He wrenches his arm free from my grasp and I know he's about to spill the truth. I can't deny a thing he says now. I can't defend or explain myself.
I slap Peeta's arm, letting him know how pissed I'll be if he says anything. But Peeta cares too much for me. He's going to spill.

"Last night, well, early this morning..." Peeta says. "We had been fighting over some stuff and I left the house and she tried to... Uh..." He says, trying to avoid saying out loud that I tried to commit suicide.
"I walked in when I got home and found her bottle of pills spilled all over the floor. She tried to kill herself.

Lucia's eyes fall into me. I can see pity  in her eyes, but I don't want her pity. I want to be able to speak and go home.
"Katniss, you let me know if you feel anything off, okay? If you get dizzy or a headache or anything like that, you let me know." She says.
I nod slowly.

"If you feel alright, Katniss, I think we'll do an ultrasound to determine your expected due date." Lucia says, smiling.
I nod again, and once everything is in position and that cold gel is put on my stomach, she places the transducer on my stomach.
"Can you hear a heartbeat at 7 weeks?" Peeta asks.
Doctor Lucia smiles and nods.

Peeta clutches my hand, seemingly more excited than I am. I know how much he loves kids. I know how excited he is to have another one.
"Are you two ready?" She asks.
I make eye contact with Peeta and nod.
"Yes." He answers for the both of us.