Pure Torture: a Hunger Games Fanfiction

Chapter 23

Katniss

"This is a call to your arms; to take our mind over matter." -CHVRCHES

They don't know exactly what my Propo should be about, all they know is that they want one. I'm introduced to my production crew, Cressida, Messalla, Castor, and Pollux.

And then I'm told that there's someone who wants to see me. This scares me, at first, but I try to relax as I give Peeta a small wave and and am ushered into a different room. I turn to watch the door shut behind me, trying to tame my instincts telling me to get out of there.
"Katniss?" Her voice squeaks out.
I'd recognize the accent and the tone anywhere. It's Effie. I turn my head towards where her voice comes from. It takes me a while to place her, as she's dressed totally in gray and has no wig on. The gray blends into the walls.

"Effie?" I ask, happily.
I walk quickly over to her. She stands up and gives me a hug.
"Oh my heavens, Katniss, you're so strong! I'm so sorry about everything that's happened to you..." She says sadly.

I don't answer. I don't know what to say. Effie sits back down and pulls out a fancy black sketchbook. I recognize it immediately. It's Cinna's. My eyes fill with tears, as I can feel his presence full every inch of the room.
"Is he dead? Cinna?" I ask, quietly, my voice catching on his name.
She looks down and nods slightly.

I feel it coming on. A flashback, caused by the new news of another death I've caused. I take deep breaths and dig my fingernails into my palms. It's not working. I try to fight it. I build a barrier in my mind to make it go away. The demons in my head rip down the walls I've built and take control.

My deep, steady breaths turn into violent hyperventilation.
"Katniss?" Effie asks, concerned and confused.
With whatever ounce of sanity and reality I can cling onto, I hiss out, "Effie, get out. I don't want to hurt you. Hurry, please. Tell Peeta and Haymitch I need them in here."
I barely managed to get that out. I'm slipping out of reality.

She quickly gets up out of her gray chair and hurries out of the room. I hear her call out for Haymitch and Peeta. That's when I let go and my demons and flashbacks take total control of me.

My vision goes in and out of focus as I sit in the chair. I stand up and am suddenly in the corner of the room. When my back hits the corner I jump a little, startled. The visions begin, and I slide down the wall to a crouching position.

All of a sudden, I'm back in the Capitol. I'm in my cell. It's illuminated by the harsh white lighting. I crouch in the corner of my cell and look at the floors. There's dark stains of blood all over the pristine white floor. It's my blood. It's everywhere.

Then, the lights go out. When they return, I'm back in the first arena. I'm crouched behind a big tree. When I stand, a bow is in my hand and I shoot the boy from District 1. His cannon booms and I turn to see the little girl from 11. Rue. She smiles at me.
"Katniss?" She says, when I don't smile back. Instead of smiling, I send an arrow through her heart. I killed her. I killed an innocent little girl. What a monster I am. I'm sent through countless memories of me, killing and shutting out and hurting. In the last one, a particularly terrifying one in which I let Prim starve and take all the food for myself, I feel hands on my back. The touch is gentle, moving in circles. My vision blurs and tunnels and I am sent back into reality again.

My eyes burn and my head is killing me. I don't move or say anything or stop hyperventilating. My hearing finally returns. I hear Peeta's gentle voice trying to call me back.
"Katniss, it's alright. It's not real. It's not real. You're okay." He says.
When the demons and the flashbacks finally release total control of my mind, I let out a shaky sigh. I turn my head to see Peeta and Haymitch. I'm thankful that it's just them, nobody else.
Tears threaten to pour out of my eyes. I blink them away.

"I'm.. I'm okay." I say, trying to catch my breath.
"Katniss.." Peeta says, relieved.
He helps me sit on the ground instead of crouching. Then he sits next to me.

He lets me breathe and let some tears fall from my eyes as I rest my head on his shoulder.
"I'm sorry." I say into his warm shoulder.
"It's okay, Katniss. Don't worry about it. As long as you're okay." He says back.

After a couple of minutes, I try standing back up and Haymitch gives me a hug.
"Are you sure you want to do this Propo?" He asks, after the hug.
I nod my head. I can do this.

Effie comes back in, and cautiously tells me about a Mockingjay Suit that Cinna designed me. Its beautiful. She explains that the rebels have it here. I'm finally brought back into Command, then. Thankfully, during my flashback, I didn't scream. Haymitch and Peeta had no desire to announce it to everyone there, so nobody knows.

I wipe the tears from my eyes and listen intently to what Plutarch is saying.
They have decided that in this Propo, will be me and Peeta together. I will talk about being back in 13 and being ready to fight. Peeta will talk about me being back and how I'm doing. Peeta's not going to lie, of course, but he's going to leave out talking about my flashbacks.

They lead me into a small gray room and let me pick out an outfit. There's not much option, as we're in 13, but it's still better than this gray.

I pick out a nice green t-shirt and some tight, dark pants. I brush my hair and put it into my signature braid and Effie comes in to put some makeup on my face.

When Peeta, who's wearing some dark jeans and a t-shirt, comes out of his "prep room". We stand together.
"You look beautiful." He says to me.
I thank him and tell him that he looks wonderful too.

I chose to wear a tank top, which surprises him.
"Katniss, a tank top?" He asks, knowing that I would usually never wear one.
"Yeah," I say, "I thought the people in Panem should be able to see all of my scars and bruises from Snow."

He nods a little. Cressida takes us outside. Its exciting, as I haven't been outside since the Quell. I take a deep breath as I step out into the fresh, woodsy air. The air outside is warm, but in the shade of the woods it's cool.

Peeta and I sit on a fallen tree.
"Alright," Cressida says, "You two don't have lines, but you know what you're going to be talking about, right? Don't be afraid to mess up or pause, we can always edit it out."

Peeta and I nod and Cressida calls out, "Rolling!" And I'm staring into the red light coming from the camera.

"Hi," I start, "My name is Katniss Everdeen, as you know, and I am -- as a matter of fact-- alive."