Welcome To India

11. Confusion

You know that feeling when your sinking and you don't know what to do. It's like everything around you is a black hole and you're being sucked into this vortex of confusion.

Well, that just how I felt.

It all went wrong so wrong.

Yes, I kissed Kareena. That usually means good things and a lovely happy ending to match the one from the notebook.

Wrong.

Taylor Swift may as well pop out now to write a break up song.

Okay, so I'll stop with the guessing games.

I kissed Kareena.

She shoved me away.

I fell onto the grass.

'She looked at me in shock.

I looked at her in shock.

We just kept looking at each other.

Then she walked away.

The end.

Yeah. So life is shit.

I thought that's what she wanted the moment was right, everything was perfect. I never even imagined that she would not share the same feelings. All the signs and signals she gave me, I was left in this vortex of confusion.

But that confusion turned into anger. 

It wasn't about the rejection, it was because I KNEW she liked me. Why would she lead me on? The way we talked, the way we were with each other, this was all because we LIKED each other.

I was hurt.

I felt almost used.

We left Punjab, I never spoke to Kar and she never spoke to me. The whole group felt tense, everyone had picked up on our behaviour and had heard one version of the story.

We had now reached Calcutta, our second final stop.

After a hectic train journey, we all decided to crash at a small hotel.

I was tired physically and mentally from all the drama. Frankly, I didn't care that I kissed her, I felt used by her. No explanation, just stomping off?

She could have handled it better.

Girls have kissed me and flung themselves onto me, but I would never shove them off or not even explain that the feeling wasn't mutual.

All she had to do was look me in the eye and say she had no feelings for me.

But she couldn't.

Because she felt the same way. I knew it.

And that is cruel.

I couldn't sleep that night and decided to go up to the terrace, I hated how restless I was.

It was a moonlit sky out tonight and I just stared into the darkness, my thoughts buzzing.

I heard footsteps and turned around and there was Kar, she looked sad and tired.

For once, I did not feel bad.

I felt empty. I got up and walked past her.

"Wait." Kar says softly.

I sigh and look up at the sky, slowly turning around.

Her eyes were watery.

"I don't know how we got here-" Kar began.

"I do." I say bluntly.

She sighs, "I am sorry I left you there."

"I'm not. It's been a wake up call, that this was all a game to you." I say coldly.

"No Jay it was not-" Kar pleads.

"Yeah? Then why did you leave Kar?" I say, my voice croaky.

"B-because I don't want things to change." Kar said softly looking away.

"You don't want things to change? Things would have changed for the better. Kar, I like you and you know that. And I know you like me. But why do this? If you don't like me, then was this just a mind game, was I being used?" I say in a flurry of anger.

"I would never use you." Kar says looking me in the eye, her face stern.

And I know she means it.

"This is not the time for a relationship, we are both going our separate ways. I am not ready." Kar continues.

"People are in relationships at uni, you know." I say sarcastically, I was angry I couldn't control it.

"Yes, but this is just something on holiday, things will change when we get back." Kar mumbles.

"I am just a holiday fling to you? The way we talked, the way we spent our time together? I had not even kissed you until two days ago." I seethe.

"I don't know what to say." Kar looks down, I see tears rolling down her cheeks.

"You led me on, knowing I would fall for you and when I did, you threw me down. I am human too Kar and I really liked you-"

"Jay please, I like you too, it's just wrong timing." Kar pleads.

"Then why string me on, knowing nothing would happen?" Kar was silent at this.

"I-I tried to stop myself, but I couldn't help myself." Kar whispered.

"Then give us a shot, don't make our time mean nothing." I plead desperately. 

" I can't Jay, I am sorry. Being with you has been the best time of my life, but I just can't." Kar cries silently. 

"W-well, I can't do this anymore. I don't want to be here anymore with you, I can't stay. Goodbye." I croak.

I left the terrace and went to my room, silently packing my bags.

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oh no!

Jareena may be over!

:(((

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-crazy10