Handle With Care (Poetry)

Mommy's Little Girl

Hi Mom, do you remember me?

It's the little girl, that I used to be.

She's talking to you now,

but you can't hear.

Your ignorance stands

in the place of your ears.

She's trying to tell you

a bit about herself.

But your disbelief

only fills her more with doubt.

She's trying to be strong,

as you break her down.

Her smile falters,

dripping lifeless to the ground.

She covers her eyes

so she can't see your face

Because she knows that shes just another disgrace

She hides her heart from you

because she is afraid.

Because she sees in your eyes,

that you are ashamed.

You destroyed her mom,

and now she's dissapeared.

So afraid that the shame in you would become mirrored.

She tried to be what you wanted;

perfect.

But when she tried to confess,

you didn't want to hear it.

So now she is gone,

and it's only me that's left.

This empty shell,

that's not the daughter you'd expect.

This is all there is now,

no more masks to put on.

Because that so called perfect girl is just as gone.

Everyone has left,

so it's just you and me.

No more little girl that I used to be.

And it's me standing here asking you.

Why did you have to hate me too?

Did I dissapoint you just that much?

Was it all because I wasn't good enough?

Because if that is the case,

then I'm sorry for your pain.

I'm sorry that what I am has filled you with shame.

But I'm done hiding my self in a closet of guilt.

I'm moving into a new body that I have built.

And I will not stand afraid of who I am to become.

I'm tired of living in the shadows being a no one.

And I'm sorry if this new me you happen to hate.

But I'm even sorrier that I couldn't be straight.

Because I know that's what you wanted me to be.

Just like everyone else,

but that's not me.

You want me to fit in,

and live a happy life.

But hiding,

only drives me further to the knife.

You never see the truth Mom,

not the cuts on my arms

Not the tears no my face,

or all this un-needed harm

You can't see that it's your fault

and that I need you.

Because I'm terried that I may have dissapointed you too.

I'm trying Mom,

I'm trying so hard to make you proud.

But your eyes don't see me,

they are always casted down.

And I can tell,

that you are filled with fear

Because you don't know how to deal with me being queer.

And you want me to hide because you think it's whats best.

But every time I lie,

a piece of myself is put to rest.

I'm dying every day mom,

because you wont let me live.

I'm constricted by my words,

and ropes that just won't give.

And every day I'm forced into this lie,

And every day into my room I cry.

And I'm sorry,

I''m so sorry mom, for not being enough.

But your little girl is starting to grow up.

She's stronger now

and she's realized something too.

That no matter what happens,

she doesn't need you.